COLORFUL!
by Hisa-Me Kurai
Summary: TORTURE! Torture, Torture and MORE TORTURE! is what Nakamura Ayane LIVES FOR! So when she comes across the resurrected Shichinintai, it's like Christmas has come early! RANDOMNESS FROM MARS! SUPER BASHING! Giant mallets, blackmail, drugs, alcohol and more
1. Ayane: Enter the Fist

Yes, this is my second fic w/ theShichinin crew. It's set right after they destroythat castle and retrieve Banryuu. Well...enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I'M ONLY SAYIN' IT ONCE: I DONT OWN INUYASHA!

* * *

The Shichinintai laughed heartily, reveling in the thrill of new life. They lay back against Ginkotsu, enjoying the slightly bumpy clip, anticipating with great eagerness the approach of the next village and the slaughter that would soon follow, completely oblivious to the slight figure that followed them only half a yard behind. 

"Ahh, there it is." Bankotsu sighed happily, gazing at the poor township that rose in the distance. "Ooo, I DO hope the men there are handsome." Jakotsu said excitedly, his eyes glowing with bloodlust. "Focus, Jakotsu." Renkotsu snapped, "We must follow Aniki's orders, nothing more, nothing less." Jakotsu puffed out his cheeks in a childish manner at this last statement, "Your no fun at all!" he pouted. Suikotsu (scary mode) licked his metal claws in expectation of the battle to come, "As long as these fools put up a good fight I don't care one way or the other." "That's the right attitude, Suikotsu! Good man!" Bankotsu grinned, smacking him hard on the back. He gazed at the little village and smirked, "I can't wait!" he murmured, so when he spotted the small child running towards them, smiling hugely, waving furiously, it kinda threw them all for a loop.

"AYA-SAAAAAAAN!" The little boy cried joyfully, frantically waving at someone behind them. "YO!" A female voice made them all jump and a colorful blur streaked past them, swooped the child off his feet, and carried him off, laughing, back toward the village. "What…the hells?" Renkotsu faltered. "Well that killed the mood." Bankotsu grumbled, "C'mon! Let's check it out!" "GESH!" Ginkotsu clanked, picking up his speed a little.

* * *

The reached the outer boundary of the village and told Ginkotsu to wait for them there while they scoped things out. They didn't have to look long; there, standing only twenty-five feet within the borders, was a girl, the child from earlier sitting on her shoulders, while dressed in a pale pink yukata w/tamari's embroidered on the sleeves and a pair of wooden geta of her feet like any other person, she gave off one of the most unusual aura's anyone of the Shichinintai had ever felt, even pushing the scantily clad miko out of first position. Her eyes was her most shocking feature; an eerie pair of blood red orbs shone out from behind long black lashes yet weregleeful and laughing; her silky pinky-red (mostly pink) hair with natural pinky-white and maroonhighlights, was twisted into a tight ponytail with bun surrounding it (think Chikage from Sister Princess), her bangs really could have done with a trim as they fell into her eyes a little and the longest section stopped at her collarbone; a thin pink ribbon with beaded ends held her hair fast. A naginata was slung to her back with careless abandonment; beneath her yukata, where no one could see it, strapped to her left thigh, was a tanto. A gigantic sac containing things unknown was at her side, and she was currently performing magic tricks for the children, to great effect. 

She waved about a largeblue scarf with a great flourish, bringing it to rest in her left fist; a flock of white birds burst forth from her palm, bringing squeals of delight from the children. The girl brought out a second cloth (green), and placed it on the ground; she tapped it three times and threw it aside with a fanfare revealing a huge pile of toys bringing great cheers from the children (the sac had mysteriously vanished). "Now, if I hear-umph-(sets down boy who runs over to the pile of toys)any fighting, I'll make the toys disappear, ya understand?" "Yes, Aya-san!" they chorused, sifting through the pile. She walked away from the children, towards a large tavern and entered it. After a short time, there came the sounds of a brawl from within the watering hole and then…

CRASH!

A hulking man around Kyoukotsu's size soared over the remaining member's of the Shichinintai's heads and careened into the granite cliff face behind them. The girl sauntered out of the bar, a jug of sake' slung casually over her shoulder, "Next time ya wanna grope somebody, make sure it isn't me…ass!" she called, taking a swig of sake', "Ulgh-ptu-(spits it back out)and your taste in sake' REEKS, Dude! SUPER WEAK!" She tossed the jug by his unconscious form and after flipping him the bird, re-entered the saloon.

* * *

Bankotsu, unable to resist the temptation, walked over to the jug and took a mouthful and quickly spat it out. "What? Too strong for ya?" Jakotsu asked him. "NO! That wench was right! WEAK! DAMN! I can't BELIEVE how watered down that horse swill was!" Bankotsu spat venomously, wiping his mouth. "Well, putting that aside, don't cha think we should get down to--" "First things first, Renkotsu. I've gotta wash this bile outta my mouth." Bankotsu interjected, walking over to the tavern. "I could use a drink myself." Jakotsu sighed merrily, following the Shichinintai leader. "Now wait just a--!" "Sounds good ta me." Suikotsu said, stretching his arms over his head, "C'mon Ginkotsu." "GESH!" Ginkotsu clanked agreeably, following after the split-personality warrior. Renkotsu stood there fuming for a moment or two before yelling, "WAIT FOR ME!" and running after them.

* * *

The Shichinintai gazed around the tavern, looking for empty seats but to their disappointment, they all were filled. They were about to leave when they heard a, "HEYA!" Bankotsu looked left, then right, then spotted the girl with the strange vibe, beckoning them over to her near empty booth. The made their way over and sat down, as the girl herself beckoned for more glasses. After they were brought, she gave the bottle of sake she had on her person to Bankotsu, "Here. I'm tryin' to wash out th' taste of watered down horse swill." she said, her nose wrinkling in disgust at the memory. "I know. I had the 'pleasure' of takin' in a mouthful after ya came back in here…Aya, was it?" She smirked and shook her head, "The name's Ayane. My mom was bit off her rocker, namin' me THAT of all things, so all local children round here just call me by my nickname." "I see." Jakotsu said, eying her coldly uptil the point he took a drink of her personal supply of liquor, "HEY-EE! This is REALLY good, Oo-Aniki!" Bankotsu was lifting the glass to his lips when there was a loud uproar behind them. Twenty nine good sized men, all of them pug uglies, had started tearing up the place, apparently looking for someone. "Whaddya think? Are they lookin' for us Bankotsu?" Jakotsu asked as the leader drank deeply. "Dunno. We'll find out tho' won't we?" he replied casually, reaching for the bottle again. There was another loud crash and shriek as one of the tavern girls was lifted off her feet. "Where is she?" he snarled, "Where's the cold cunted cock sucker that did what bin dun to our brudda?" "Another day…another testosterone charged idiot tryin' ta overstep his bounds." Ayane sighed heavily, cracking her knuckles loudly. 

There was a flitz-ing noise as she disappeared from the booth and reappeared behind the man twisting his arm at an unnatural angle, causing him ta drop the girl and give a yelp of pain. "Well here I am…the, 'cold cunted cock sucker who did what bin dun to ya brudda.'" she said mockingly, doing a very good imitation of the man before hurling him headfirst through the floor. She took a look around her, doing a quick head count, "Lessee…Twenty eight pinheads against lil' ole me…" she grinned hugely, "I'm liken' them odds!" She flipped so her hands slammed against the wooden flooring and her wooden sandal drove itself into the first unlucky dim-wit's nose. He flew into the ceiling, his head doing a disappearing act while his body hung limply. Remaining in the handstand position, she whipped her lower body around like a tornado, sending nine more fools into all four walls, their heads and shoulders vanishing into the wood while the rest of their bulk hung flaccidly; the one remained standing. She grabbed his head with her feet and slammed his head through the hardwood with his buddy's. Now up right she shot toward another cluster of them, blasting her fist into one particularly buffed out gang member's gut, causing him to drop like a fly; smashing her palms into the floor, she grabbed another about the torso with her legs, and in an amazing show of grappling, grabbed both his wrists and slammed his head into the floor, nearly breaking his neck. She quickly released her hostage and shot towards another, and in a lightning fast blur in which seven kicks were landed, another one bit the dust. In a flurry of punches and kicks, she laid the remaining thirteen flat; all this took place in a matter of seconds.

She stood in the middle of the chaos, scratching the back of her head, "Well THAT was disappointing." she said, looking and sounding rather irked, "All those guys and not ONE of them landed a punch. Pa-the-tic." She let out a sigh and walked out of the tavern, looking depressed. The Shichinintai had watched this spectacle with some interest, but soon returned their attention to their drinks. In the meantime, they were completely oblivious to the fact that Ayane was having a whispered conversation with the mayor of the town. "…ya have ta do it quick and quiet cause those guys sittin' over at my both? They're the remanin' members of the Shichinintai and the minute they finish drinkin', they're gonna tear this place apart, ya understand?" he nodded nervously and licked his lips, "Well? Whaddya waiting for? Go! GO!" she whispered urgently, giving him a piercing glare that sent him running. "Well THAT'S taken care of ." she smirked, "Just one other thing before I leave…"

* * *

The Shichinintai were finished now and were thoroughly prepped for their merciless rampage. "Ahh…I feel like I could kill another thousand!" Bankotsu whooped, spinning Banryuu over his head. "He's fired up." Suikotsu chuckled. "He's so cute when he's bubbling over with bloodlust like that…" Jakotsu said in a seductive tone, "Mmm…such a turn on…" "Keep your mind out of the gutter Jakotsu. Stay focused." Renkotsu snapped, looking more then a little disgusted. "Um…" Bankotsu spoke up and stopped spinning the giant halberd, "…is it just me, or has this village gotten reeeeally quiet?" They looked around. No one. Not a man, woman, child, old person or dog to be seen. A gust of wind blew through the now empty town and Ginkotsu spotted something fluttering out of the corner of his eye, "GESH!" he said, alerting his fellow members to the sheet of paper tacked to the outer wall beside Renkotsu's head. He ripped it down, "What's it say?" Bankotsu asked as Renkotsu began to shake with rage, "OH YEAH! I JUST MADE THE HISTORY BOOKS BABY! WHO'S YA DADDY?-AYANE." Renkotsu spat angrily, crumpling up the letter before burning it to cinders, "That little BITCH! SHE'S the cause for this! She must have known somehow and warned them!" "Let's get her! I wanted ta slice her up anyway!" Jakotsu smirked, fingering Jakotsutou with a hungry look in his eyes. They took off like shots, and after only five minutes, located the inhumanly strong girl, who was standing on the lip of a rather old well, preparing to jump. 

The wind buffeted her hair aside, revealing the sneer that was plastered coolly on her lips, "How did I KNOW you guys would follow me?" she chuckled. "Wench! How did you know what we intended to do!" Jakotsu growled, his stomach twisting under her superior smirk. She laughed, "Hmm…what if I don't feel like telling? What I just felt like keeping THAT particular tidbit of information to myself?" she said, herruby-red eyes narrowing but her gaze maintaining it's mirth. A sudden twinge of fear shot through Bankotsu's spine, "Somethin' aint right with this girl…an' my instincts have never been wrong before…" he thought anxiously. Jakotsu's eyes ran over with hatred, "Then take it to the GRAVE WITH YOU!" he roared, launching the Jakotsutou into motion. She easily evaded and caught the blade between two fingers. "…interestin' toy ya've got here…" she said with a smile. She gave the trick sword a swift jerk, wrenching it from Jakotsu's hands. The Shichinintai gaped as the brazen girl began a very close examination of the blades, "Hmm…it hasn't been properly cared for. Just look at all the nicks…so sad. This was once a truly fine weapon…OH WELL!" and with that, Ayane swiftly tied the Jakotsutou into a knot and tossed it carelessly at the feet of it's owner. Jakotsu fell to his knees, "Muh-my sword…wuh…WAAAAAAAAHH!" he burst into tears. He whipped his tear streaked face towards the overly cheerful Ayane, "YOU BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Jakotsu charged and Ayane held her ground. There was a blinding flash of light, and Ayane was on the other side of Jakotsu, naginata in hand. There was a silence…then the upper half of Jakotsu's lavender yukata disintegrated into millions of tiny shreds of fabric, revealing his reptilian breastplate. "EEP! I've been VIOLATED!" he cried, quickly clasping his hands over his chest. Spinning the weapon, she swiftly returned it to its place on her back, laughing so hard that tears were dancing in the corners of her eyes. She leapt into the well and just as an preternatural light surrounded her, she stuck out her tongue and disappeared.

* * *

Ayane stood on her end of the well, tapping her foot, waiting patiently. "Any second now…" she chuckled quietly. Sure enough…_THNTHNTHNTHNCLNG!_ "**OW! MOVE YER ELBOW! THOSE'RE MY RIBS!**" "**YAIIIEE! MOVE THE KNEE! MOVE THE KNEE!**" "**NOT THE FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!**" "**AUUGH! THAT WAS MY FOOT!**" "**GEESSSSHHH!**" "**_WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**" Ayane was currently doubled over, choking with laughter at the spectacle in her well. It was a scenario she knew would happen, but no amount of preparing could have made it any more funny. All five remaining members of the Shichinintai had leapt into the well…at the same time! and were currently packed in tighter than sardines. Upon hearing the laughter above them, they stopped their useless squirming, and turned their gazes skyward. "How did I KNOW you guys would follow me?" Ayane snickered, brushing a few tears out of her eyes. "Wench! Get us outta here!" Renkotsu snarled, wiggling a fist feebly at her. "I dunno…watchin' you guys squirm is pretty damn entertainin'…maybe I should just leave ya there." "ACK! NO!" Jakotsu squealed (he's pressed up against a reeeeeally ticked off Suikotsu at the moment). "C'mon! Help us outta here!" Bankotsu yelled (his Banryuu is pressed against his throat). "What's the magic word?" Ayane called back mockingly. Bankotsu let loose a feral growl and muttered something under his breath. "So they can hear you!" Ayane said in a singsong voice. Trying his best to restrain the rage that was building inside of him, Bankotsu reeled off speedily, "PLEASE?NOWWILLYOUGETUSOUT!" Grinning victoriously, she snickered, "Gladly." She offered her hand first to Jakotsu, who looked at it as though it was a pile of dung. At his reaction she smirked evilly, hooked her legs on the lip, swung upside down so her face was an inch away from the tranny's, gripped his shoulders tightly and hurled him out of the well. "AIIEEE—" Jakotsu's shriek was cut off as he crashed into the wall. Returning to her bat like position, Ayane crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "Any other objections to my help?" There was a large round of head shaking, followed by Ayane lifting them all one by one out of the well.

* * *

(A/N: What Aya-chan said earlier, is that she couldn't believe that her mother named her of all things, _"Colorful Sound" _usually referring to the sound of wind chimes, but in this instance, it makes refference to her colorful personality and multifaceted fighting skills (of which we've seen very few). A rather unusual name to say the least, but oh well! What will happen next?...um...not sure! Tune in to find out! R&R! Flames STILL Accepted!) 


	2. Sweet Revenge: Or NOT!

(A/N: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Chappie two! I don't mind the lack of reviews, so I'm plowin' forward! Enjoy!)

* * *

After freeing the seven men from the dry well, she went into the house, now completely ignoring the Shichinintai. She took the tanto out of it's concealed sheath and removed the naginata and placed them both on a rack that already held a katana and wakizashi. Sai's, shuriken, tonfa, yari, nunchaku's, bokken's, kama's, Wing Chun butterfly knives, Ninja swords, kusari-gama, mitsu buki, tsukabo, sodegarami, sasumata, jutte, shuko, caltrops, and various other weapons, hung on and were leaning against, the walls. She loosed the ribbon and let her pinky-redhair fall to it's true length, grazing the back of her tailbone; she shook he fingers through it, "Ahh…better already…" Ayane sighed in relief. She slid out of her yukata and into a black long-sleeved, turtle-neck, midrift revealing top, she slid a fingerless glove made of thick leather on her left hand. She tugged on a pair of green camouflage print pants that clung to her legs in all the right places. She pulled on a pair of white socks, slipped on a pair of black combat boots quickly tied the laces. She grabbed a her messenger bag off the floor and slung it over her shoulder.

She had done all this with all this with her door WIDE OPEN! Why? A) Because she shameless? B) Because she used to living alone? C) Because she forgot they were there? Or D) B&C? If you chose D, then CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE A GENIUS! Ayane walked out of her room and past the gaping men. She let her gaze linger on Ginkotsu for a moment before she walked over to him and shut his jaw (which was hanging open in a most unbecoming fashion) with a sharp CLANG! Smiling brightly, she said, "I'm heading out! I have some business to attend to. You can either wait here or go back to the past. I really don't care which. Later dudes!" and with an offhanded wave over the shoulder, she walked out the door, leaving the Shichinintai standing there with looks of total disbelief on their faces.

After about an hour, it finally sunk in that she had left. "Wuh-WHAT ARE WE STANDING AROUND HERE FOR? I'M GONNA MAKE THAT PIECE OF FILTH PAY FOR DESTROYING JAOKOTSUTOU!" Jakotsu roared. "That woman made a FOOL of us in that village, Oo-aniki." Renkotsu snarled. "Agreed. Hope your as fired up as I am boys, cause we're gonna have ourselves a one woman slaughter." Bankotsu growled, leaping onto Ginkotsu. "GESH!" he clanked enthusiastically. "Alright! Time for the blood bath!" Suikotsu crowed as they tore along, not even bothering to take in the scenery. "Hey! Renkotsu!" Bankotsu yelled after awhile, "How d'we know where'da go?" "Take a look around!" Renkotsu called back, over the knocking of Ginkotsu's wheels and gears. Looking around them, they saw lots of boys and girls around Ayane's age walking in the direction they were traveling. "I figure, since they all seem to be traveling this way, that this is the way to g-hold on Ginkotsu!" Renkotsu suddenly shouted, bringing them to a lurching halt, "They're all converging at that building. That's the place to go." Ginkotsu drove them around to the back of the school and after receiving orders to wait there, the rest of the Shichinintai were off.

* * *

They leapt up the side of the building, looking quickly into each of the windows until they heard Jakotsu's joyful shriek of, "I'VE FOUND HER!" They swiftly congregated at Jakotsu's window and peered inside. There were rows and rows of boys and girls, all in uniformly matched outfits like soldiers, except for a lone individual in the back row, Ayane. She looked unbelievably bored, head on her knuckles, leaning back in her desk, her eyes partially closed. The man at the front of the room, also not in uniform, was calling out surnames. "Matsumoto?" "Here." called a boy. "Morioka?" "Here." chimed another, a rather dull note in his voice. "Murakami?" "Yo…" said a girl, flipping a page in a magazine, raising her hand slightly. "Nakamura?" "Mm…" Ayane mumbled listlessly, not even moving from her current position. The man continued, then finished with attendance, changed subjects. "Now then class!" he began brightly, "Today we're going to begin our unit on the Meiji Revolu--" "RM-HRMM!" Ayane cleared her throat loudly, swiping her thumb over her jugular suggestively. "Eh-hehe! Or I-I guess we could--" "RMM-HRMM-HRM!" Ayane cleared her throat again, louder this time, this time making a slow, indicative, slitting motion over her throat. "CLASS DISMISSED!" the man squeaked in a very high voice before tearing out of the room. There was a two second period of silence before every teenager in the room started wooping with joy. Standing up, Ayane took a small notebook out of her pocket and the Shichinintai watched as she crossed something off.

Smirking happily, she walk out of the room. Following her by way of the windows they found they could follow her no more when she turned left into a room marked, **Tachibana-san, Principal**. After less than three minutes a voice from nowhere emanated through the grounds, frightening the undead men so badly it nearly knocked them off their perch. **_"Attention all Students and Staff! This is Principal Tachibana speaking. Effective IMMEDIATELY, Summer vacation is in effect. See you in September. That is all."_** There was a long, unearthly silence…followed by a low rumble then a thunderous roar. A tsunami of teenagers cascaded out of the large double doors, and windows of the lower levels. "**_WOO-HOO!_**" "**_AH-YEAH!_**" "**_SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOLSSSS! OUT! FOR! THE SUMMER! SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLSSSSSS! OUT! FOR! EVER!_**" They shot out in all different directions, singing and whooping and shrieking with happiness, some on foot, some on strange, two-wheeled contraptions on which two could sit comfortably, some in four-wheel that seated five. After the last of the tidal wave of bodies died away, Ayane sauntered out of the building, singing quietly to herself, "Who rocks the house? Ah, yee-ah! I rock the house! And when I rock the house, you get out three months early!" She burst out laughing and pulled out the notebook again, crossing one more thing off.

* * *

Ayane walked along the main drag. She was quite aware that the Shichinintai were following her. "Heh! Alrighty then! They wanna show, I'll give'm a show." She turned into a costume store, and walked over to a group of very beefy, very scary lookin' bikers. "Yo dudes! Can ya help a girl out?" she asked. Smiling in a way that truly didn't suit their image, they nodded and asked what they could do. Ayane pointed to a costume rack that held a large grouping of a particular costume and told them what she wanted to do and they agreed.

The Shichinintai had just managed to relocate Ayane and could not believe what they were seeing: Ayane, and a group of men that made Kyoukotsu look short, were dancing around…in **_LOBSTER COSTUMES!_** They had the happiest looks on their faces as they clicked their pincers. Ayane went over to the back wall, still dancing, and pulled a white thing off the wall. It appeared as though she was talking in it, then she hung it back up. She disappeared from their line of sight for a moment, then reappeared, dressed in a white leotard covered with sequins, knee high boots (also smattered with sequins) and a baton in her hand. They heard music coming from behind them that gradually got louder.

A marching band, dressed up as fruit, came up behind them, playing "_We're Not Gonna Take It_." By Twisted Sister. Ayane leading them, and the lobster men, down the street; a bullhorn had mysteriously made it's way to her hand and she was crying, "**_ATTENTION! THIS HAS OFFICAILLY BEEN DECLARED LIBERATION DAY! IF YOUR GAY, FLAUNT IT! FLAME IT UP, BABY! IF YOUR WEIRD, BREAK OUT THE SHAVING CREAM AND THE MONKEY CAUSE THE PICKLE PEOPLE HAVE LANDED! IF YOUR GOTH, TURN UP YOUR SALIVA CD'S TILL THE SPEAKERS BLOW!_**" People came streaming into the street, joining the parade. "**_EVERYONE! PICK A SONG! SING IT AS LOUD AS YOU CAN! LET IT RING IN THE STREETS! LET IT SHATTER EARDRUMS!_**" she crowed; by this time, the Shichinintai were being towed along by several Gays, Goths and Otaku's. "**_I KNOW A SONG THAT GET'S ON EVERY BODY'S NERVES!_**" "**_IT'S RAININ' MEN! HALLELUJAH! IT'S RAININ' MEN!_**" "**_NOW THAT WERE HERE! SO FAR AWAY!_**" The Shichinintai were totally bewildered. "**_EVERYBODY! SING WITH ME! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY JOY!_**" Bankotsu had been dragged off by a horde of cheerleaders, Suikotsu was being mosh pitted by a flock of jocks, Renkotsu had been mobbed by a band of (LE GASP!) **_COMPUTER GEEKS!_** Jakotsu was bombarded by a gang of gays and was having the time of his life and Ginkotsu was thoroughly enjoying him self with a gaggle of grease monkeys. Needless to say they were all too preoccupied to noticed when Ayane passed off the bullhorn and escaped, laughing so hard she thought her chest would cave in.

* * *

(A/N: Yup! She's evil! Givin' the Ol' Band o' Seven a run fer their money! What she do to them next? Here's a hint! There's "double" the trouble in Chapter 3! HEE HEE! Please R&R! Flames Accepted!)


	3. Double Trouble Pt1: Heeere's Ayato!

(A/N: WOOHOOO! I will NOT let the lack of review get me down!In this Chappie, Renkotsu has a mental breakdown, Bankotsu becomes the NEW Jakotsu, and Jakotsu gets...well you'll see! Enjoy!)

* * *

It was several hours later when the Shichinintai stumbled into Ayane Nakamura's house. Our pinky-red headed heroine (who's currently eating raw cookie dough) nearly snorted chocolate chips at the sight of them. Bankotsu had been redressed in a cheerleading outfit and was carrying his armor under his left arm and was holding a pair of pom-poms in his right hand, Renkotsu looked as though he was short several thousand brain cells and was babbling something about parasols and ducks, Suikotsu was wearing a red bandana and had a new gang tattoo on his left arm and was looking very smug, Ginkotsu was covered in graffiti and had a new set of rims and Jakotsu? _WEEEEELLLLL_…Jakotsu's yukata was disheveled, he had several hickies on his neck and chest, his lipstick was noticeably smeared and he had the afterglow of one who has just had **_unbe-freakin'-lievable_** sex. 

"Have fun boys?" she snorted, her ruby orbs dancing. "Fantastic…" Jakotsu sighed blissfully, collapsing to his knees and leaning against a wall. "Heh! I've been made a member of the Southside Cobras." Suikotsu boasted, showing off the tattoo. "Grrrrr…" Bankotsu growled, storming into Ayane's bedroom and slamming the door shut. "The ducks…they're comin' ta get me…them'n there parasols of death…" Renkotsu gibbered, rocking back and forth, looking rather traumatized. "Gesh!" Ginkotsu bragged, which in Ginkotsu speak, means, "Feast yer eyes! I've been 'Tricked Out'!" Bankotsu stormed out of Ayane's bedroom, sans cheerleading uniform but he had been unable to free himself of the glitter that was spangled in his hair, "Awwww…but looked so pretty, Ban-chan…" Ayane whined in feigned distress while trying hard not to laugh. He turned his blue eyes on her, looking as if her was contemplating tearing her head off, then…_GRRUGLLLGGNNN_…Bankotsu's face went bright red as his stomach rumbled so loudly it echoed throughout the house (BTW, It used to be a traditional Japanese Inn, but it went out of business. Ayane bought it, quite literally, for a bag of peanuts) "Is Ban-chan hungry?" Ayane asked in a belittling tone, this time, not even trying to hold back her laughter, "Howabout you guys? Ya hungry?" The rest of the Shichinintai nodded. "Follow me! I'll introduce ya ta one of the best things ever invented by man…FROZEN PIZZA!"

Following after her in a hungry stupor, they watched as she took a thin box out of a box that seemed to hold the essence of winter (a/n: it's…a…FREEZER!) and ripped it open. Turning on a strange contraption she slid the object once held by the box inside, then sat down with them. After a moment or two, Jakotsu remembered that he was angry with Ayane and launched himself over the table at her only to find himself being hurled upside down, onto the floor and have something heavy pushed painfully against his throat. He managed to open his eyes and saw Ayane looming over him, the heel of her boot digging into his Adam's apple. "Chillllll, closet queen. I know what's got yer nads in a knot." Ayane grinned, whipping out Jakotsutou, no longer in a tied up mess of blades. It was obvious, even to the casual observer, that it had just been freshly sharpened. "Ah…abuh…wibba…but when? HOW!" Jakotsu stammered, his eyes as wide as saucers. "While you guys were out partying." Ayane smirked as Jakotsu started bawling over the snake blade.

* * *

There was a loud **_DING!_** announcing that the pizza was done. After taking the pizza out of the oven and slicing it up, Ayane dished it out saying, "Dig in, boys!" Suikotsu took the first bite, "Whoa MAN! This is GREAT!" Jakotsu followed suit, "Oh wow! Thish ish SCRUMMY!" (talking with his mouth full). Bankotsu soon was eating too and feeding Ginkotsu too (Renkotsu USUALLY took care of that, but seeing as he's still a little mentally unstable…) Ayane was about to chow down to BUT!…**_RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNG!_** "Yah!" Ayane levitated about three feet of the floor as the phone rang, scaring the shit out of her. Setting down her plate, she ran to the phone and picked it up. 

Ayane: Yello?

Unknown: Heyas!

Ayane: Hey! Howya doin'! How goes it?

Unknown: Fine. Fine. Howbout you? Howizzt on your end? Any new victims? (chuckles)

Ayane: Weeelllllll…maybeee…

Unknown: Ayakkun…(pressing tone, chuckles)

Ayane: (snickers) Okay, okay. I've got five on the line and I've got them on the rack.

Unknown: Thought so. Ya don't sound so hot. Anythin' wrong?

Ayane: Nothin' much. Just bored.

DING-DONG!

Ayane: Hold on a sec, someone's at the door.

Unknown: Huh…wonder who _that_ could be…

Ayane walked to the door and slid it open. "AH-HAHA! Omigod! When did you get here!" she shrieked, hugging the person who was standing in the doorway. "Over three hours ago." The person snickered. "You ASS! I could've picked ya up!" Ayane cried smacking the persom on the back of the head. "Heh! This was more fun! When did THIS happen?" the person asked playfully, tugging a strand of her light-raspberry colored hair. "Relax! It washes out! C'mon! We'll go ta your room, I'll rinse this out, then introduce ya to the targe-I mean guests."

* * *

The Shichinintai continued eating pizza, ignoring the uproar in the entryway. Five minutes had passed and there was the sound of footsteps entering the kitchen. They looked up, indifferently at first, then doing a double take saw a girl and boy with reddish hair (Ryoko Mitsurugi's from Real Bout High School's color), blood colored eyes and identical faces. "Oh, bo-oys…" Ayane called in a sing-song voice, "meet my twin brother, Ayato." The boy grinned hugely as the Shichinintai began to scream (well all save for Renkotsu who is still rocking back and forth, muttering world take over by the Bunny Battalion). 

They all took off in different directions…and all wound up hitting a different wall. "…ey…kotsu……Jakotsu!….Ya alright man?" Jakotsu blinked hard, feeling a dull throbbing ache directly behind his eyes. "Dude! I just wanted ta mess with ya! I never meant fer ya ta hurt yer self!" Ayane said, frowning down at him. "Yeah! That's _our_ job!" Ayato said, helping the transvestite sit up. "Tch! Now get heads outta yer asses and chill! I suggest that ya head back to the Feudal Era, Lord Lantern Necks. Me an' my bro have some catchin' up ta do." Bankotsu blanched, "You…you can see the Shikon shards?" he stammered, pointing to his throat. Ayane snorted, "How can I **_NOT!_** They're glowin' brighter than halogens!" Suikotsu blinked, "What're…halogens?" "Never mind…" Ayato growled. "If ya wanna fight, we'll do it in your time. But right now, me an' Yacchan are gonna blab it up on things we've missed in each others lives." Ayane said calmly pushing them out to the well house, "See ya later dudes!" she called as she booted them down the well.

After some maneuvering, they managed to wriggle out of the well and out into the moonlit landscape. "Well, that was interesting." Suikotsu said sheepishly. "Man oh man…two of them…one of them was bad enough, but two? Oh god!" Jakotsu moaned, massaging his temples. "Chaos follows that girl like a bunch of lost kittens. We were completely diverted from our objective: to KILL HER!" Bankotsu snarled punching a tree trunk, ultimately knocking it down, "RRRRR! I'm goin' back!" he growled, leaping into the well. GONG! "OW! SUNNAVABITCH!" he howled. "Oo-aniki! Are you okay?" Jakotsu called over the edge, looking down at his leader, who was twisted in a most unnatural angle. "She must'ave blocked it from the other side." Suikotsu reasoned as Bankotsu lumbered painfully out of the well, "So much for that plan."

* * *

(A/N: Yup! Double yer pleasure! Double yer fun! Ayato's in da house! Hisname mean, "_Colorful Sake Dipper_", referring to the constellation, the Big Dipper. Next up, some disturbing revealations about the Nakamura's past, and a lot more insane antics from the Color Twins! Please R&R! Flames _**STILL**_ accepted!) 


	4. Double Trouble Pt2: Musings and Nuns?

(A/N: YEEEEE-AAA-YAHH! Chaptah three! -Sighs dramatically- Get's serious-BOOOO!-in the beginning, but gets back to the wacky in the middle and end! WOO-HOO! Sowwy 'bout the serious, but without it, you'd never understand why Ayane's as twisted as she is! Enjoy!)

* * *

"Yo bro! Wanna take a bath tagether?" Ayane asked draping herself over her twin's shoulders. "Ayaaa…" Ayato groaned tiredly. "Ah, c'mon, Yacchan! We always took baths tagether when we were kids! And its been such a long time!" "Besides, since it's you, know I've already lost the argument." Ayato said, faking an overly dramatic sigh. "Heh heh! Damn straight!" Ayane snickered, dragging him down the hall to the mixed bath. After stripping, the two got in, "Wow. You have to manage this all by yerself?" Ayato asked. "Yeah. As long as I do it every day, it's not to hard tho'." she replied, getting behind Ayato and stating to wash his back, "It's been awhile…since we've been able to relax like this, huh?" she said quietly. "Yeah…it's been…what, five years?" Ayato asked, switching places and scrubbing his sister's back. "But even before that, we couldn't relax…not with _him_ around…" Ayane said softly. There was a silence and as Ayato continued to wash his elder twin's back he began to look over the thin, minuscule white scars on her back, nearly unnoticeable to the casual observer but to Ayato, they stood out like fifty foot billboards. He counted them again in his mind, 33 in all. "Stop it." Ayane said suddenly, turning around, the scars from the entry wounds much larger on her front, "It _**wasn't**_ your fault." "I know but--" Ayato's response was cut off by Ayane clamping a hand over his mouth. "Now listen and you listen good: our stepfather was pedophile and no one, not you, not mom, could have stopped him from raping me all those times. I did what I had to do protect my brother and don't regret it for a second and if I had it ta do over I'd make the same choice. I've never regretted what I did that day Yacchan, locking you in that closet to save you from the misfortune I suffered since mom married that creep, so stop beating yerself up about it!" She smiled and whapped him teasingly on the head before climbing out of the onsen, "Doncha know why we elder siblings come first? It's ta protect the little ones that come after!"Shegrinned hugelyat him as she wrapped a towel around her torso,"Don't stay in fer too much longer, kay?" Feeling much lighter, he smiled, "Kay. Sleep well Ayakkun." "Night, bro!"

* * *

He still remembered those day vividly and found himself the victim of an unwanted flashback. Their _real_ father had died when they were three so they had few memories of him. Two years after his death, their mother remarried, not knowing that the man was a pedophile. Ayato had noticed right off the bat the hungry way _He_ looked at Ayane, like she was a piece of meat. Shortly there after, she had changed and he knew something was wrong. Whenever they were paying together and _He_ entered the room, Ayane would send Ayato off to play with friends. It took a bout of the flu to bring to light what _He_ was doing. Ayato was caring for her and _He_ came into the room and went for him. Ayane had grabbed Ayato with all the strength her virus stricken body could muster, heaved him into the closet they shared and locked the door from the outside. _"STAY THERE! DON'T COME OUT!"_ she had shrieked through the door. There were the sounds of a struggle from outside and then a long loud scream. There were a few shorter shrieks of agony, then all was silent. He had heard a dragging sound from outside the door, the click of a lock; Ayato opened the door and blanched at the sight before him. A sea of blood and his sister in the middle of it, barely clinging to life. 

He shook his to clear it, "Aya's right. I've really gotta stop lingering on the past." He stood up in the cool night air and stretched, "Alrighty then! Tamorrow's another day! We've got five new victims on the line and me'n Ayakkun will think up ways tah make'm miserable in tha mornin'! HO-YEAH!" He walked out of the onsen and into his room where he promptly fell asleep.

* * *

"Okay! You sure you've got every thing?" Ayane asked, looking over her shoulder at Ayato. "Yup! It's all here! Hair dye, May West and Pregnant Nun costumes, do-it-yourself-dentistry kit, slip-'n-slide, etc." Ayato prattled off. The two were dressed in yukata's and were preparing to jump into the well (after Ayane unplugged the giant cork she stuffed down it). Ayane had her naginata strapped to her back and tanto to her thigh once more, Ayato had chosen a pair of tonfa and a wakizashi; the tonfa were at his back and wakizashi was at his left hip. After uncorking the well the two leapt into the vortex to greet the awaiting Shichinintai. 

"Hi-cha boys! Sleep well?" Ayane grinned, looking over the disgruntled men. Renkotsu was still going on about conspiracies and the evils of the Serta sheep. "Sheesh! Haven't you guys tried ta detox him at all?" Ayane said, a disbelieving note in her voice as Ayato set down their 'Implements of Torture'. "Huh?" Jakotsu blinked. "Whaddya mean?" Bankotsu asked. "Well by the sound of it, he ended up in the clutches of the **Weird People Alliance** from my school, Ryokurin High (Greenwood High). And they make ME seem NORMAL! I should know! I hang with them from time ta time! So if ya want your devious, snake-in-the-grass-Renkotsu back, you'll get him some really dull literature and dump him in a quiet place." "Gesh!" Ginkotsu clanked agreeably, hefting up Renkotsu and rumbling off. "See ya later Ginny! Now then…" Ayane grinned wickedly, looking over the remaining three. "Where to begin…" Ayato asked no one in particular. He pulled a grape soda out of the giant backpack and after opening it, walked over to Jakotsu, who eyed him warily.

Ayato sat down next to the older man and gazed at the sky, "Nice day huh? Not a cloud in the sky!" Jakotsu decided to chance it and looked up. A perfect blue sky greeted his eyes, "Yeah. Not to hot, not to cold. It's great!" SPLSH! Ayato's hand slipped accidentally/on purpose and spilled purple soda all over the crossdresser's yukata. "AH!" Jakotsu cried sharply, grasping at the stain. "Oh NO! Clumsy me! You CAN'T stay in those filthy robes! Quickly, quickly! You have to change!" Ayato exclaimed, dragging Jakotsu behind a tree and stripping him down to his fondushi and tossing a pile of clothing at him. Ayato ran round to other side of the tree, tapping his foot impatiently, "Hurry up! Hhu, will you hurry?" Jakotsu came out from behind the tree and Bankotsu, Ayane and Suikotsu did their best not to laugh (and failed). Ayato, the evil lad, had handed Jakotsu the pregnant nun costume. Jakotsu didn't understand why everyone was laughing so hard….until he looked down that is. "AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!" he screamed, "I'VE BECOME EVERYTHING I'VE EVER HATEEEEEEEEEED!" His rolled up in his head and he fainted.

Pulling a spare yukata out of the bag, Ayane redressed him quickly. She then pulled out the slip-'n-slide, a can of pink paint and a rainbow wig. "What are you doin?" Bankotsu asked nervously, tightening his grip on Banryuu and edging away fearfully. "Settin' up for when Renkotsu comes back!" she said, smiling hugely at him. Getting a huge case of the chills, Bankotsu and Suikotsu skootched several feet back, thinking, _"Renkotsu, yer on yer own!"_

Ginkotsu returned with a sane Renkotsu and set him down promptly. Renkotsu wondered why everyone was so scattered but didn't have long to think on it because Ayato tripped him, sending him sailing down the slippery shoot of pastel pink paint. Something thunked on his scalp then Ayane shot forward, brush in hand, and before he had a chance to recover from his "trip", he was struck by multiple brush strokes to the face and Ayane was sitting on the tree branch behind him, laughing her ass off. In the space of .00001 seconds, she had printed the words, "Idiot", "Moron", "Stupid", "World's Biggest Jackass" and "HO" on his face. The large rainbow wig on his skull made his head appear so small by comparison that it was no surprise when everyone, with the obvious exception of Renkotsu, fell over laughing. Jakotsu regain consciousness, took one look at the Pepto-Bismol pink Renkotsu, and fell back laughing, hitting his head on a rock, knocking him unconscious again.

* * *

(A/N: **_MUA-HAHAHAHA! ALL HAIL WEIRD PEOPLE!_**It's been said that there's an evil twin and a good twin, but in this case...hehehehe! I will be taking suggestions for ways to torture the Shichinintai! So do R&R! Flames are_**STILL**_ accepted!) 


	5. Double Trouble Pt3:Wigs,Dye'n'History!

(A/N: WOOOT! Thanx for all your support guys! Sowwy that this chappie so short, but oh well! In this Chappie, Ayane and Ayato's "infomant" source is revealed! Not ta mention a visit from "Lil' boy blue"! Heh heh! Enjoy!)

**_-"Eeee"- _**- represents telepathy

* * *

Renkotsu had taken off for the nearest hot spring to wash off the paint (he could scrub for hours and never get the ink off his face, seeing as it was permanent and would last for weeks). Ayane and Ayato had taken to lounging on Ginkotsu's substantial frame, chatting it up with the underappreciated member of the Shichinintai. "Really? So ya like lil' baby birds an' butterflies huh?" Ayato asked, completely serious (-rolls eyes-...for once...). "Gesh!" Ginkotsu clanked happily, his eyes becoming cheerful horseshoes. "Neato! I like birdies too! They're so lucky! They can fly where they want when they want! They always look so happy that it makes me happy too!" Ayane said with a grin. "Same here!" Ayato smiled. It had taken them a minute or two to fully decipher what they had dubbed, "Ginkotsu Speak" but once they had gotten the hang of it, it was easy to tell what the mecha man was saying. Bankotsu and a now conscious Jakotsu were witnessing this with amazement (Suikotsu was taking a nap; biiiiiiiiiiiig mistake. heh heh!). Only members of the Shichinintai understood "Ginkotsu Speak" and it had taken them over half a year to get it down. The Nakamura Twins were now discussing the importance of sugar with the tin man, when Renkotsu stormed over to them, dripping wet, hopping mad, and rainbow wig still on his head. He grabbed Ayane by her yukata front, "_YOUUUU!_" he growled, "Why the _**HELLS**_ wont this…this _**THING**_ come _**OFF!**_" Ayane calmly grabbed Renkotsu's wrist and twisted until he released his grip, "Because…I filled it with glue!" she said brightly, grinning in an evil fashion. Ayato pulled out a live snake (garden variety) and stuffed it down Renkotsu's yukata front. Renkotsu screamed and began running around in circles, tearing off his armor (koff-barrel!-koff) in a futile attempt to rid himself of the snake. 

After purging himself of the serpent, Renkotsu agreed (after twenty minutes of reasoning) to sit still long enough to allow Ayato to apply a solvent to his scalp and after several sharp tugs the wig was removed. The poor second-in-command! His bahld heyahd was as red as a baboons ass! the solvent and wrenching having taken their toll, not to mention the fact that now his scalp both itched…AND burned (oh the humanity!). Jakotsu, Bankotsu and Ginkotsu snorted uncontrollably as Renkotsu alternated scratching his pate (a fancy word fer scalp) frantically and dumping buckets of water over his head every few seconds. Suikotsu opened one eye, yawned and sat up, "What I miss?" Ayato snickered, "Sleep well, Little Boy Blue?" "Huh!" Suikotsu dashed over to check his reflection inGinkotsu's wheelsand screamed. Ayane and Ayato had dyed his hair a glittery (yes, glittery!) baby blue while he slept. He streaked over to the Nakamura's, claws at the ready, "**_PREPARE TO DIEEEE!_**" Ayato merely laughed and dodged the man, "Ya know it's _SOOO_ hard to take ya seriously with yer hair like that! **_HAHAHA!_**" He looped one tonfa around Suikotsu's left arm and sent him flying into the earth and spun himself around so he was sitting on the mentally unstable man's back. Suikotsu flailed his arms uselessly as Ayato began to eat an apple Ayane tossed to him. "Ya know-krnch, krnch-if ya shuddap-krnch-an' lishten fer more'n-krnch, krnch-five shecondsh, you'd know tha'-krnch-tha' shtuff washes out-krnch, krnch, krnch-." Suikotsu stopped thrashing about, "Oh." Ayato smirked and got off the schitzo, allowing him to go off to the hot spring Renkotsu had departed to earlier in this chapter, to wash his hair.

* * *

"Sooo, what's on yer agenda fer the day?" Ayane asked. She and Ayato were sitting comfortably on Ginkotsu's shoulders (hey, what can I say? Ayane's two inches shorter than her brother and her brother's and inch shorter than Banpyon. The two tagther don't weigh much more than two hundred pounds wet. What I'm tryin' ta say is…they're short, skinny little nymphs!) "Well, we are supposda be lookin' for this Inuyasha guy…" Bankotsu began. "Oh! The hanyou?" Ayato interrupted. "Alright. That's it. We're not takin' another _step_ until you two tell us how you know all these things." Renkotsu snarled, still a little irked by the whole "wig" thing. Ayane and Ayato exchanged a glance, _**-"Whaddya think? Should we tell'm?"-**_ **_-"May as well. Got nothing ta lose."-_** The two nodded together and looked back at the Shichinintai. Ayane riffled through the bag and found the thing she was looking for andpulled it out. "Boys? Say hello ta our tenth grade history book!" Ayato said gleefully. Shichinintai got looks of skepticism on their faces, "History book? Are you serious?" Jakotsu snorted. "What reason would we have to lie? So far, despite everything we've done, we've stuck to the truth." Ayane said pointedly, flipping through the pages. "AH-HA! Here it is! The Sengoku-Jidai section!" she cried triumphantly, jabbing her index finger at the aforementioned page. "Blah-blah-blah…wars…bloodshed…famine…ah! Here he is! Inuyasha, the hanyou, is one of Japan's more famous legends." "Legend…pfft! Yeah right!" Renkotsu snorted. "_**Sha-addup, cueball!**_ Anyway, like I was sayin', he is noted for his incessant clashes with the youkai, Naraku, who was in contest with the hanyou for the treasure known as the Shikon no Tama." Ayane continued. "Okayeee…movin' on." Ayato, interrupted, snatching the book from his twin, "…nope, nope, nope, AH! Here you guys are! The Shichinintai! The most ruthless group of mercenaries ever recorded in Japanese history." "Awww…stop it! Yer makin' me flush!" Jakotsu squealed, clasping his hands to his cheeks (yes, I mean his face! Get yer mind outta the gutter!). "They were known for their total and complete disregard for life and horrific methods of killing." Bankotsu's chest puffed out with pride. "Which is why…" Ayane interjected, ending her brother's orientation, "…I felt compelled to warn the headman of what I felt was more th'n likely your intentions of looting an' pillagin' that village." The history book was then shut with a snap and tossed haphazardly into the bag again.

* * *

(A/N: Oh yeah, I know it was a short one. Next chapter, hot springs galore and whatever else my twisted mind (and my loyal reader's) can come up with! Ideas are welcome (and wanted)! R&R! Flames, as always, are _**STILL**_ accepted!) 


	6. Double Trouble Pt4: Know Your Stars!

(A/N: WEEEEEEE! THANKIE! THANKIE! THANKIE! For you out there who enjoy my fic and have reviewed, this is for you! don't thinkI don't check!

Sugarro: Thanx! I'm glad ya liked it!

Dream Bandit: Weeee! Your input means so much! thanx again!

gothic-ember: I'm glad ya think so! thankies!

HeartofDragon: One of my most loyal readers; thanx a bunch and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Underworld666: Heh! glad ya think so!

reki-sama: To answer your question, Ayane is an OC I created just for this story!

Movin' on, oh loyal readers, Th Inutaichi make an appearence and learn that waking the Nakamura's before threy're ready...isn't sucha good idea! Enjoy!)

* * *

They came to a village and Bankotsu started to pull out his Banryuu…started to until Ayane and Ayato start grinning at him in a way that said they were plotting to do something horrible to him if he completed the action. Shivering, he removed his hand from the hilt and leaned back against Ginkotsu awkwardly, _"How the hell's did this happen?"_ he wondered. After a time, they reached an inn and decide to eat lunch and rest up there; all thoughts off plundering the town driven from their minds by the presence of the Color Twins (they couldn't put their finger's on it, but somethin' about'm just wasn't right). They ate a quick meal of miso soup and rice then it was agreed that they would hit the onsen before heading out.

* * *

"Ahhh…" Bankotsu sighed happily as he sunk into the hot water. "This feels great!" Ayato moaned blissfully, laying his head on his folded arms sleepily. "Got that right!" Jakotsu said in a seductive tone, "Need me ta…wash yer back?" "Jakotsu…not now." Renkotsu groaned, laying his head back in an attempt to relax. "I'll admit, this is a greatly desired break in the action." Suikotsu said stretching his arms over his head. "Gesh…" Ginkotsu clanked contentedly. "Got that right, Ginny!" a female voice cut in. Ayane, dressed in nothing but what God had graced her with, waltzed into the onsen and into the water without a moments hesitation. 

"**_MY EYES! THEY BURRRRRRRNNNNN!_**" Jakotsu howled. Bankotsu, Suikotsu, Renkotu, and Ginkotsu's jaws all dropped in unison as they found themselves the victims of much unwanted nosebleeds, and Ayato simply waved a casual, "Hidey-ho!" "**_WHAT THE HELLS DO YA THINK YER DOIN' FILTH!_**" Jakotsu roared, pointing a quivering finger at her as she waded in between him and her brother. "Hn? Whaddya mean, Jakkun? I've always taken baths with Yacchan." Ayane said evenly. "It's true." Ayato said serenely. Ayane started chatting it up with her brother about the Bob the sock's brilliant theory on chocolate, while the straight members of the Shichinintai started looking her over. While having a _killer_ figure, she wasn't overly…endowed (koff-flat chested-koff. )((A/N: What can I say? I gave her Mahoro from _Mahoromatic_'s figure. She's built for, say it with me, **_FIIIIIIIGHTINNNNNGG!_**)) Ayane caught them staring and grunted exasperatedly, "Geez, you guys! Get some porno mags and some lotion, fer chrissakes!" the ones staring "_MEEP!_"-ed and diverted their gaze briefly, but found their eyes drifting back over her body again, only to meet her angry, **_glowing_**, ruby-red orbs, "Fer th' love a' chub! Quit lookin' at me like I'm a slab a' beef! It's irritatin'!" Jakotsu quickly clamped both hands over his mouth, "NO! Must…not…laugh…!" The womanly man had assumed (incorrectly) that Ayane would enjoy the way that the rest of them were staring at her (uh….**_NOOOO!_**). After the tension cleared, they felt free to look back up and resume discussion. It was very light hearted, like who was strongest, who could beat whom; who was better looking, Bankotsu or Inuyasha? (Ayane, having never met Inuyasha, and Ayato being straight ((...maybe...)), had no opinions on this matter)

* * *

Ayane got out first, so as not to make the boys any more embarrassed, and after getting dressed, they were all decidedly drowsy and decide to take a nap. Ayane and Ayato had curled up on Ginkotsu and slept (quite literally) like babies (they suck their thumbs) and after only an hour long nap, they were all rudely awakened by none other than Inuyasha and Co. 

"**_SHICHININTAI! YOUR REIGN OF TERROR ENDS HERE!_**" The hanyou roared, unsheathing Tetsusaiga quickly. Bankotsu shot forward, Banryuu at the ready, "Pretty cocky fer someone who got his _**ass kicked**_ the last time we crossed swords!" he taunted. "**_OOOOOO!_**" Jakotsu squealed, "**_INUYAAAAASHAAAA!_** **_YOO-HOOOOOO!_**" "**_SHADDUP!_**" He snapped as the Tetsusaiga and Banryuu collided sharply. Ayane and Ayato glared at the battle before them, the victims of being awoken before they were ready (and **_believe me_**! These two **_aren't_**…koff…morning people). Veins pulsed in their foreheads and their blood-red eyes began to luminesce; there was a sudden surge of power from the Nakamura twins before darkness covered all.

* * *

"**_HN? HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS!_**" Inuyasha yelled. "Inuyasha! Where _are_ you!" Kagome cried. "_Inuyasha! Kagome! Sango! Miroku!_" sobbed Shippo. "Kagome? Inuyasha? Shippo? Miroku?" Sango called out frantically into the dark, clutching her Hiraikotsu tightly. "_Sango!_ Kagome! Shippo! Inuyasha!" Miroku shouted. "**_OOANIKI!_** **_INUYAAASHAAA?_** Renkotsu? Suikoootsu? Ginnnny?" Jakotsu called out into the gloom. "**_JAKOTSU! RENKOTSU! GINKOTSU! SUIKOTSU!_**" Bankotsu shouted, gripping the hilt of Banryuu a little tighter. "Where **_IS _**everybody!" Renkotsu bellowed. "**_GESH!_**" Ginkotsu clanked nervously. Suddenly the yeller's felt themselves levitate several feet off the ground and fly to different location and then be plunked back down. A light shone down in a shaft over one: 

_Know your stars…Know your Stars…Know your stars…_

"Huh! What the hells! Who's there! Show yerself!" Inuyasha shouted, his Tetsusaiga nowhere to be seen.

_Inuyasha…he has a teddy bear named Mr. Stuffy-kins!_

"**_WHAT! WHO TOLD Y_**-I mean…**_THAT'S NOT TRUE!_**" Inuyasha roared, stamping his foot (a noticeable blush had filled his face).

_Oh really…then what's **this?**_

(a stuffed bear, who now looked like a pincushion, poofed out of no where)

"**_AAAAUGH! WHAT DID YOU DO TA HIM?_**" Inuyasha sobbed, grabbing the bear.

_We sacrificed him in one our Voodoo rituals…heh heh heh…_

_Inuyasha…he can fit twenty grapefruits up his nose!_

"**_WHAT! NO I CAN'T!_**" He cried.

_Don't lie…we know you can…_

"It's physically impossible! Where **_ARE YOU!_** Come **_OUT_** you bastard!"

_Inuyasha…he loves Jakotsu!_

"I do **_NOT!_**" Inuyasha spat through his tears (still mourning the loss of his bear).

"_WEEEE! I LOVE YOU **TOO**, INU-CHAN!_" Jakotsu squealed.

"When's the wedding?" Kagome giggled.

"It's **_NOT TRUE!_** Where **_ARE YOU!_**" Inuyasha screamed.

_Now you know…Inuyasha…_

"No they **_don't!_** **_WHERE ARE YOU!_**" He shrieked before he poofed out of the spotlight and was replaced by Renkotsu.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Renkotsu…he likes to stuff live weasels down his yukata!_

"I do **_NOT!_** Maybe Jakotsu ("_HEY!_"), but **NOT ME!** The very **_IDEA_** disgusts me!" The snake-eyed man snarled.

_Don't lie…we know your into that freaky stuff!_

"I am **_NOT!_**" Renkotsu protested loudly, cracking his knuckles noisily.

_Liar…we know for a fact you knocked up Jakotsu last night!_

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!_**" Renkotsu shouted, leaping to his feet.

"Oh, Ren_KOTSU! _I never knew you **_FELT_** that way!" Jakotsu said in a singsong voice somewhere in the darkness.

"Whadda perv!" Bankotsu snickered.

"It's **_NOT TRUE!_** Where the **_HELLS_** are you hiding!"

_Renkotsu…he likes to borrow Jakotsu makeup and kimono's and go by the pseudonym Shounen Ai_!

"I do **_NOT!_**" Renkotsu screamed, utterly horrified at the thought.

_Don't fib, Ai! We've met several of your regulars!_

"Man, Renkotsu! Why didn't you just ask? I'm sure Jakotsu would have been more th'n happy to share." Suikotsu said before he burst out laughing.

_Now you know…Renkotsu!_

"They do **_NOT!_** Where **_ARE Y_**--" before he could finish his death threat, he was poofed away and replaced by Kagome, who was looking rather nervous.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars… _

_Kagome…she was born a man!_

The distinct sound of Jakotsu throwing up was heard emanating from somewhere in the dark void.

"**_WHAAAA!_** Oh **_NO YOU DIDN'T!_**" she growled.

_Come clean, boy-o! Ya know it's true!_

"No it's **_NOT! DON'T_** believe them!" Kagome cried desperately.

_Kagome…her really name is Higarashi Shigekazu!_

"**_HAHAHAHA! SHI-SHIGEKAZU_**?" Inuyasha choked out.

"**_SHADDUP TEDDY BEAR BOY_** and it is **_NOT!_**" she howled.

_Tut, tut, Shigekazu! Bawling like a baby is most unbecoming of a boy your age!_

_Shigekazu…he likes to run around naked in the night and leer in girl's windows!_

There was a noise that resembled Miroku snorting with laughter.

"I do **_NOT!_** 'ts **_NOT TRUE! NOT! NOT!_** **_NOT!_**" Kagome bawled.

_Now you know…Shigekazu!_

"They do **_NOT!_** Do **_NOT!_** Do **_NOT!_** Do **_NOT! DO NO_**-" Kagome was cut off and poofed off, replaced by Shippo, who quivered in fear.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Shippo…he's in love with a rock!_

"Wuh-**_WHAAAAAT! NO I'M NOT!_**" Shippo yelled, "I'm in love with Satsu-I mean **_NOBODY! NOBODY!_**"

_Don't lie, granite lover. We have inside sources on the matter!_

_Shippo…he's the Prime Minister of Cheese!_

"Wuh-huh! Weeell…while cheese _IS_ good…I'm not the Prime Minister of it!" Shippo cried.

_Don't fib, Dignitary of Dairy Products! You know it's true!_

"It is **_NOT!_**" Shippo argued.

_Shippo…he gets turned on every time Inuyasha hits him on the head!_

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAT!_** I do **_NOT!_** That's **_DISGUSTING!_**" Shippo screeched.

"_Oooo!_ Shippo, the _things_ I could teach you!" Jakotsu hooted.

"It's **_NOT TRUE!_**" Shippo screamed.

_Don't lie, you little masochist!_

_Now you know…Shippo!_

"No they **_DON'T!_** When I find out who this is I gonna-" his threat was cut short as he was poofed away and replaced by Suikotsu.

Suikotsu's claws had magically vanished and he was looking rather edgy.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Suikotsu…he's afraid of kittens!_

"**KITTENS!**_ **KITTENS!**_I am **NOT** afraid of **KITTENS!**" Suikotsu snapped, wishing he knew where his claws had disappeared to.

_Are too, fraidy cat! Oops! That's an oxymoron ain't it?_

"**_I AM NOT AFRAID OF KITTENS!_**" he roared, leaping to his feet.

_Suikotsu…likes to dance around in a pink tutu when he thinks no one's looking!_

"**_COME OUT HERE AND SAY THAT!"_** he bellowed.

"A tutu, huh?" Inuyasha snorted.

"I'll have to reassess how I look at him." Sango giggled.

"It **_ISN'T TRUE!_**" Suikotsu shouted.

_Yea right, Suitan. And I'm the King and Queen of Opium! _

_Suikotsu…__he thinks he's a chicken named Elmer!_

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!_**" Suikotsu roared.

_Don't deny it, Foghorn Leghorn! Ya know it's true!_

"A chicken?" Shippo chuckled.

"**GESHGESHGESHGESHGESH!**" Ginkotsu clanked wheezily (yeah, he's laughin'!).

"**_GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE YOU COWARDS! WHERE ARE YOU!_**" Suikotsu screamed.

_Now you know…Suikotsu!_

"They do **_NOT! GET OUT HERE!_**" Suikotsu poofed away and was replaced by Miroku. His Wind Tunnel had mysteriously vanished for the moment and he was looking around like a trapped rat.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Miroku…when he masturbates, he thinks about men!_

"**_WHAT! I DO NOT!_** I think about Sang-I mean **_no one!_** **_NO ONE!_**" Miroku screeched, fearful of Sango's later wrath.

"**_Woo woo-oo!_** Hey **_Miroku-chaaaaaaannn!_** Ever fantasize about me?" Jakotsu called.

"It's a **_LIE!_**" Miroku shouted.

_Don't fib, monk! You know you're just in the closet!_

_Miroku…he's secretly in love with Inuyasha!_

"I am **_NOT!_** **_ALL LIES!_**" Miroku yelled, clamping his hands on the sides of his head.

_Oh really? Then what's up with that tattoo on your hip?_

"You have his name tattooed on your hip?" Kagome snickered.

"**_WOOO!_** It's serious!" Suikotsu laughed.

"No I **_don't!_** It's all a **_LIE!_**" Miroku bellowed.

_Miroku…he was in love with a tomato for two years!_

"**_THAT'S NOT TRUE!_**" Miroku screamed.

_Yeah right, Veggie Lover, and my name's Pooter! _

_Miroku…used to be a tap-dancing pickle!_

"**_I HAVE NEVER BEEN AND NEVER WILL BE A TAP-DANCING PICKLE!_**" roared the enraged monk, flying to his feet.

"Wow! That's…interesting." Sango said awkwardly.

"A tap-dancing pickle, huh? **THAT** explains **_A LOT!_**" Bankotsu snorted out between laughs.

"**_I'M NOT A TAP DANCING PICKLE!_**" the infuriated monk shrieked hopping up and down.

_Hey Miroku? If I sing a song, will you do your pickle dance for me?_

"**_I'M NOT A PICKLE!_** When I find you, **_I'LL SUCK YOU UP!_**" Miroku screamed.

_Now you know…Miroku!_

"**_THEY DO NOT! EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID IS WRONG! WHEN I FIND YOU_**--" Miroku was cut off just like the last five schmucks and was replaced by a very nervous looking Jakotsu.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Jakotsu…wishes he was Kagome's man!_

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAT! I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT WANNA BE THAT-bleepedy-bleepin-bleepin-bleep- PIECE OF FILTH'S MAN! THAT'S BULLSHIT!_**" Jakotsu roared, reaching for Jakotsutou, only to find it had gone missing.

_Don't act coy, Jakko! You know you have the hots for her!_

There was a loud round of snickering heard echoing from the gloom.

_Jakotsu…he was raised by hamsters!_

"I was**_ NOT!_** I was raised by my gramma an' grampa!" Jakotsu cried indignantly.

_Who just happened to be hamsters?_

"**_GRRRRRRRRR!_**" he growled.

_Jakotsu…he made out with a table!_

"Wuh-huh! **_HEY!_** There was sake involved! Get off me!" Jakotsu said huffily.

_Whoa! Was aiming off target but nailed a bullseye! Heh heh heh!_

_Now you know...Jakotsu!_

"**_NO THEY MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT! ALMOST EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS A LIE! IF I EVER FIND Y_**-" Jakotsu was poofed away and replaced by Ginkotsu.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Ginkotsu…he likes to frolic in pretty fields of flowers!_

"Gesh!" he nodded agreeably.

"Really? That's _**soooo saweet!**_" Kagome squealed sappily.

_Ginkotsu…he likes baby animals!_

"Gesh!" he nodded again, his eyes becoming happy horseshoes at the thought little baby bunnies.

"Awww…how **_kyooooot!_**" Sango and Kagome squealed together.

_This isn't going exactly how I wanted…_

_Ginkotsu…his goal in life is to die in a crab suit!_

"Gesh!" he nodded again.

_Now you know…Ginkotsu! Seriously!_

Ginkotsu poofs off and is replaced by Sango, who's Hiraikotsu has mysteriously disappeared.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Sango…she's actually bald!_

"What! No I'm **_NOT!_** **LOOK!**" She pulls at her long blacktresses, "How can I be bald when I have **_hair!_**"

_It's called a wig, and glue…baldy_

"I am **_NOT BALD!_**" she screamed, her face turning an interesting shade of red.

_Sango…she has rubber duck for a foot!_

"**_A WHAT! NO I DON'T! I HAVE TWO PERFECTLY NORMAL FEET!_**" Sango shrieked.

"I wouldn't say that…" Kagome giggled.

"They're a little webbed…" Shippo snickered.

"**_TRANSVESTITE! MASOCHIST!_**" Sango shouted back, making the two burst into tears.

_Sango…she wishes nothing more than to live in a pineapple under the sea!_

"Where do you come **_UP WITH THIS SHIT!_**" Sango cried.

_That's fer me an' my monkey ta know and fer you ta never find out! _

_Now you know…Sango!_

"**_No they don't, you lying sunnava-_**" There was a poofing sound as she was replaced by Bankotsu, who's Banryuu had vanished.

_Know your Stars…Know your Stars… Know your Stars…_

_Bankotsu…his best friend is an imaginary unicorn named Honey P. Sugarpuff!_

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT! THAT'S BIGGEST LOADA SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD!_**" Bankotsu roared.

_Don't deny it! You'll hurt Honey's feelings!_

"There _IS **NO HONEY!**_" he snarled.

_Bankotsu…he's still a virgin!_

"Wuh-wuh-**_WHAT! I AM NOT!_**" he shouted.

"Oh, Bankotsu! You **POOR** dear! I'll help you out with that later!" Jakotsu said seductively.

"**_I'M NOT A VIRGIN!_**" he howled, pounding the dirt with his fist.

_You wish, Mister I've-never-been-deflowered! _

_Bankotsu…he faints at the sight of blood!_

"**_THAT'S PURE BULL!_** How could I be a **_mercenary_** if I'm afraid of **_BLOOD!_**" he growled.

_Don't lie, Hemophobia lad! Ya know it's true! _

_Now you know…Bankotsu!_

"They do **_NOT! WHEN I FIND YOU_**-" there was a flash of blinding light as the darkness disappeared.

* * *

"Okay. Remember the plan Yacchan?" Ayane whispered, quickly stashing away the voice changer and making the Black Vortex of Bashing disappear. "Yup." Ayato murmured back, levatating the spotlight back into the bag as the black dome evaporated, their eyes stopped glowing and the telekinetic energy surrounding them vanished; the Nakamura's ran over to the group, looks of feigned panic on their faces (high-quality feigned panic of course!). "What happened ta you guys!" "What was up with that dome!" Where'd it come from!" "Where'd ya guys go!" they asked in worried tones. The Shichinintai and Inutaichi exchanged glances, silently calling a truce for the day before walking off in separate directions. Ayato and Ayane smirked at each other from their spots on Ginkotsu's shoulders, **_-"Serves'm right fer wakin' us up!"-_** and as the two dozed back off, the Shichinintai couldn't help but wonder, _"Why weren't the Color Twins dragged into the Black Vortex of Bashing? It ain't fair!"_

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(A/N: To make up for the shortness that was chapter five! Heh! Next chapter, a surprise visit by...Gallagher? See ya in chapter 7! R&R! Flames Always Accepted!)


	7. Double Trouble Pt5: Gallagher?

(A/N: YIPEEEEEEEEEE! Chapter 7! Once again, a short chapter cuz the authoress (I.e,ME!) was having a brain fart! Yes I was short on ideas but I didn't let it stop my mad rampage! It also came to my attention of a correction that I have to make in regards to the siblings hair color: Ayato's hair is _Mitsurugi Ryoko_ from _Real Bout High School_'s color and Ayane's is _Harada Riku_ from _D.N.Angel_'s color! In this chapter, a surprise, brief visit from everyone's least favorite Naraku detachment (and if she is, sowwy in advance!) and the joys of agiant mallet! WOOOT! So kick back, relax, and enjoy!)

* * *

Ayane continued to sleep on while Ayato started stirring. "Puh-Potay…to…Potato… **_POTATOSALAD!_**" he yelled, awakening with a lurch, shooting forward. The Shichinintai stared at the now hyperventilating boy, "Uh…" Suikotsu asked tentatively, "What's…potato salad?" "The most **_evil_** thing ever created by human hands." Ayato spat, wiping his brow, "I **_HATE_** potato salad." Ayane growled and rolled over in her sleep, giving Ayato a swift kick in the ribs, "Peng'in shuddup…no mouth off to misher turtle…" she mumbled, her reddish hair falling in her face. There was a lot of snickering at Ayane's sleepy dialogue; the figured they should take it where they could get it. Only two minutes later, Ayane woke up with a yawn, "Aaaawwn…wha' timezzit?" she asked drowsily, rubbing her eyes. "Six-thirty." Ayato said, checking his wrist watch. "Six-THIRTY!" Ayane cried, now fully awake, "You what that means!" she asked the entire party. "No. What?" Renkotsu asked foolishly. "It's time for dinner! I'll bust out the beef and buns cuz we're havin' a cookout!" she squealed happily. Riffling around in the bag, she dragged out a live cow (notta typo; LIVE COW!), a gianormous frying pan, spatula, paper plates, plastic forks, sodas, a trash bag for garbage, Worchestershire sauce, garlic powder, salt, pepper, hamburger buns, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, tomatoes, onions, pickles, lettuce, three large watermelons, a gigantic mallet (and when I say gigantic, I MEAN gigantic) and several bags of chips (could this girl tell me where she bought her bag? I want one!). 

"First things first!" she cackled, binding the cow so it couldn't move and taking the mallet in her hands. She swung the mallet high over her head and brought it down on the bovine with a sickening –**_SPLLAAATT!_**– creating instant ground beef and sending small tidbits of it splattering onto various members of the Shichinintai as well as her brother, "**_GLAAH!_**" "**_HEY! WATCH IT!_**" "**_EEEEEWW!_**" "**_GESH!_**" "**_AYAA!_**" "Heh heh heh! Sorry…**_NOT!_**"(for all you vegetarians out there, Sorry!) Bankotsu and Jakotsu watched with fascination as Ayane began to make large circular patties with the ground up beef while Ayato made a large fire. "This good, Ayakkun?" he asked. Comparing the size of the fire with the size of the pan, Ayane gave her brother a thumbs up, "Perfecto, bro!" She then splatted one patty after another onto the pan and seasoned them carefully while Renkotsu whispered to Ayato, "Hey…you sure about this?" Smiling, Ayato said, "Hey! 'ts cool! She may not be very serious in many aspects, but one of the few things she does take seriously is her cooking! No one makes a better German Chocolate Cake than her…ah! Makin' my**_self_** drool!" Ayato said rapturously, taking our a bath towel and wiping away a waterfall of saliva.

"Yo! Space Case!" Ayane yelled at her brother, "**_CATCH!_**" She flipped a burger at him. Taking a bun into his hand he swiftly caught it. "Alllllrighty guys. Ya see all this stuff?" he gestured at all the condiments, and the Shichinintai nodded as one, "All this stuff can go on yer burger to make it taste even better. You can personalize to your own tastes so don't just copy me." And with that, he quickly put his burger together and grabbed several handfuls of chips. "**_YO! PARTY OF FIVE! HEADS UP!_**" Ayane shouted. Five patties shoomed through the air at the Shichinintai, They quickly grabbed their buns (hee hee! Not **_THOSE_** buns! -Snicker!-) with Renkotsu grabbing two (one for him, one for Ginkotsu) and caught the burgers (that were moving at lightspeed). Following Ayato's advice they prepared their burger and grabbed handfuls of chips and uncertainly started eating.

"**_DAA-AAMMN!_** This is **_great!_**" Bankotsu cried, shoving the burger into his face, smearing ketchup and mustard everywhere. "**_MMPHMM-NNPH-MMNANPH!_**" Suikotsu agreed. Jakotsu, Renkotsu and Ginkotsu were all to busy eating to speak. Ayane fried up several more burgers before sitting down to eat herself. **_-"Hey bro!"-_** **_-"Yeah? Wha' izzit?"-_** **_-"I can't wait for dessert!"-_** **_-"Got sumthin' special planned?"-_** **_-"Heh heh! You could say that."-_** Ayane smirked through a mouthful of tomato and ketchup. Wiping her mouth, she threw a watermelon into the air, and taking up the mallet once more, screeched loudly, "**_WHO WANTS DESSERT!_**" and brought down said mallet with a –**_KRRSSSHPLTT!_**- sending chunks of watermelon and rind all over her unsuspecting victims (all save for Ayato, who had ducked behind a tarp he levitated out of the bag). "**_NYAHAHAHAHA! SECONDS ANYONE!_**" she cried, bring the mallet down on the second melon. By now, the Shichinintai were laughing and opening there mouths like trained seals to catch the flying fruit pieces. "**_OH C'MON! I KNOW YA HAVE ROOM FER MORE!_**" she laughed, as she brought down the mallet on the third. There was a sudden, unexpected gust of wind and a woman in layered kimonos landed in the middle of the mayhem, blowing bits of watermelon everywhere.

"Well, well…goofing off?" Kagura said acerbically, looking down her nose at them. Her eyes were like those found on a white rat and she failed to notice Ayane shaking with rage behind her, "You guys are really something, you know that? Naraku has become irritated by your cheek and-" –**_BLAAMMMMM!_**- Ayane brought the mallet down .000000001 mm. away from Kagura (DAMN! She missed!) shrieking, "**_YOU AIRHEADED BITCH! DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**" "**_YIEEEEE!_**" the wind witch shrieked as Ayane chased her down with the mallet, "**_GET BACK HERE, WINDY BRITCHES! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**" "Hey guys?" Ayato said calmly from his spot on the ground. "Yeah?" Suikotsu asked back evenly. "Melon?" he held up some pieces that had been salvaged (they landed on his tarp). For some reason, everyone found this hysterically funny and fell over laughing (Ayane had lost Kagura when the Wind Witch remembered she could fly).

* * *

"Well, now we're all sticky. What ta do." Ayane sighed, flopping back on a pile of very squished watermelon. "I know!" Ayaro shouted, "Why don't we…" he began whispering in his sisters ear and a big grin filled her face. She nodded and suddenly multicolored ovals appeared at their feet. "Howdyoudothat!" Jakotsu asked (understandably freaked out). "Telekinesis." Ayane said calmly, levitating one of the red egg-shaped things to her hand, "This…is a water balloon. And this-" –SPLLSH!- Renkotsu sat there sputtering, dripping wet, "-is the start of a water fight! No sides! **_EVERY MAN AND WOMAN FER THEMSELVES!_**" There was a mini-typhoon as everyone raced for the balloons and began hurling them at each other in a colorful tornado; in the end everyone was soaked and far less sticky. As he lay on the ground, gasping for air, Bankotsu wondered, _"Howizzit that dealing with these two…drains me more than a hundred battles!"_ "Hee…hee hee…hee hee hee!" Ayane managed a few giggles between breaths, "Man…you guys…I can remember the last time…I had s'much fun!" she sat up and pulled Ayato to his feet, "C'mon bro. Let's go dry off at home." "'kay." "**_THAT'S IT!_**" the Shichinintai cried together in disbelief. "Whatcha mean, Banpyon?" "Yer just gonna leave us hangin'!" "Not ta mention sopping wet." Jakotsu added. "Yeah. Pretty much." Ayato said candidly, causing a full-out Shichinintai anime style fall. "But we never said ya hadda stop pallin' around with us!" Ayane called brightly as she and Ayato walked off to the well. The thought of "KILL AYANE" somehow being driven from their minds, they soon followed.

* * *

(A/N: Next chappie: Sleepover Madness and a visit from the Magic Well Repair Service! R&R! Flames **_always_** accepted! 


	8. Double Trouble Pt6: Sleepover Madness!

(A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but the lack of reviews had me down. But (sniffle) _**I SHALL PUSH ON!**_ In this chapter, Sleepover madness, and The Well Fixers (Ghostbusters theme song plays in the background) Who ya gonna call? **WELL FIXERS!**

**_ENJOY MY PEEPS!_**

* * *

"Umm…remind me what we're doing again?" Renkotsu asked as Ayane and Ayato dumped bagful after bagful of junkfood into the carts they had grabbed. "We already told you!" Ayato cried impatiently, "We're having a slumber party with you guys and therefore need tons of artery clogging goodness to eat!" "Exactly! **_AND_** lots of caffeine loaded soda and sugar charged sweets to ensure there's absolutely **_NO SLEEPING AT THIS SLEEPOVER!_**" Ayane crowed, unloading an armload of Pixie Stix and Mountain Dew. "_**OH!**_ Yacchan! You keep going! I'll be right back!" Ayane shoomed off to the clothes department leaving Ayato to continue filling the carts with Renkotsu. Now you may be wonderin', where are Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Suikotsu and Ginkotsu? Why, wandering around the electronic department unsupervised of course! (wellll…Ginkotsu's at the house playing with Ayato's pet bird, Ko-chan) "**_Oooo!_** Oo-Aniki! Lookat these!" Jakotsu squealed, pointing excitedly at a wall of T.V.'s, "Howdya think all those little people get in there?" "_**Whoa!**_ Check this out!" Bankotsu said animatedly, pointing to a video camera, complete with flip screen, "I'm there! But I'm here! **_Too cool!_**" "Over here guys!" Suikotsu shouted, beckoning them to a bunch of speakers that were currently blaring out _"Gajumaru no Shita de(Original mix)"_ by **bless4** (yes, for all those wondering. **bless4** is an actual j-pop group), "Where's it coming from? _**Too weird!**_" "**_Hey guys!_**" a cheery voice yelled. They turned away from their fun and saw it was Ayane, along with Ayato and Renkotsu, arms filled to capacity with plastic bags, "We've got everything we need. Time ta go!"

* * *

"Wow! Is this for me?" Jakotsu asked, holding up the pink nightgown complete with heart prints. "Yup!" Ayane said with a grin, "Yacchan picked it out fer ya!" Jakotsu turned his gaze to the red-head's twin, "Ya like?" he asked. "A lot! Thank you!" Jakotsu said, giving the boy a biiiiiiiig hug. "And these are for the rest of you guys!" Ayane said, handing out pairs of pajama pants. Suikotsu's were black with pairs of monkeys that read, "Good Monkey Likes You! Bad Monkey Likes Your Mom!" Renkotsu were yellow with the clown from Stephen King's **"IT"** printed on it. Bankotsu's were dark blue with Snoopy in dark mirrored shades printed on it, **JOE COOL** was written in silver across the butt. As Jakotsu stared at Bankotsu ass and drooled, Ayato sent his sister a telepathic message, **_-"Ayakkun! Come ON!"-_** **_-"Hee! I just couldn't resist!"-_** **_-"Your as bad as a lecherous boy!"-_** **_-"Am not!"-_** **_-"Perrrrrrverrrt!"-_** **_-"Shut it. Or should I let a certain crossdresser know you were checkin' out his piece in the bath?"-_** **_-"Wuh-wuh-what! That's not-! I mean-uh-"-_** **_-"Hee hee! 'sokay Yacchan! Straight, Gay, Bi, whatever way ya swing, yer still my bro! But still…zip it!"-_** **_-"…gotcha."-_** A small smirk had crossed his lips as Ayane got to her feet and clapped her hands, "'kay guys! Time for a game!" 

"It's called, Spin the Bottle! Usually there's an equal amount of girls to guys but, oh well! It just make's it that much more interesting! For all you straight guys, you only have one chance outta six to kiss a girl and vice versa for Jakotsu. As much as I shudder at the thought, I will kiss Yacchan if it lands on him. If it lands on the same person twice, ya hafta French it and three times-" "Seven minutes in the closet." Ayato filled in. Not ones to back away from a challenge they all said, "I'M IN!" except for Ginkotsu, who said, "GESH!" They had already gone through a bottle of Mountain Dew so Ayane took it and set it on the floor. "Get it in a circle boys." Ayato said simply and they did as they were told. "Sooo…who's brave enough to go first?" Ayane smirked evilly. Suikotsu puffed out his chest and growled, "I ain't no pussy!" and gave the bottle a mighty spin. Round and round it went until finally it stopped on…Ayane's old, oversized stuffed cow, that was nearly as big as she was, Kumagoro-kun. "_**Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!**_ Pucker up, Suipea!" Ayane laughed as Suikotsu begrudgingly smooched the tattered toy. After receiving the kiss, Ayane took the plaything into her lap and asked it, "So, Kumagoro-kun, is Suipea a good kisser?" She pretended to listen to the toy and then took on a look of mock sympathy, "I see…that's too bad. A first kiss wasted on the lips of a bad smoocher…how sad!" By this time her brother and the rest of the Shichinintai, save for Suikotsu (who was shaking with rage), was rolling with laughter. "Okay, okay! _**NORMALLY**_…Kumagoro-kun would go next but in this case, seein' as he's inanimate, we'll make an exception. Sooo…who's next?" "**ME! _ME!_**" Jakotsu cried, giving the bottle a mighty spin. "Round and round it goes!" Ayato said nervously. The bottle came to a stop on Renkotsu, who shrank back saying, "**NO!**" "**_YES!_**" said Bankotsu, Ayane and Ayato, grabbing his arms to keep him from running as Jakotsu moved in. "**_NOOO-_**" he was silenced when Jakotsu sealed his mouth off and pulled away quickly, an overly dramatic pout on his face, "Yet **_ANOTHER_** bad kisser!" "Heh heh! Then we know who to avoid then!" Ayane giggled. Suikotsu and Renkotsu grew noticeably redder and threw glares in her direction making her laugh harder while Jakotsu continued pouting, "I hope my next turn's better..." "Who's up?" Ayane asked. "Well, you've been dodgin' the bullet." Bankotsu stated, taking a crack at the red-headed girl, "Don't tell me your scared!" Glaring at him, Ayane spun the bottle viciously, spitting, "I…am **_NOT_**...a coward." The bottle slowed it revolutions and came to a stop in front of the very member of the Shichinintai who demanded she prove her bravery. Not one to be called a yella' belly and take it sittin' down, she grabbed him by the braid and had him lip-locked him for a full forty-five seconds before releasing the stunned (and breathless) commander. She smirked, "By the look on your face…Tomato King…" Ayane said, calmly examining her nails for non-existent particles of dirt, "…I take it I'm a good kisser." Bankotsu opened and closed his mouth like a fish and couldn't answer. "Thought so. Yacchan! Your turn!" Ayato gave the bottle a swift twist and it came to a stop…in front of Jakotsu, the very man he had been ogling in the bath. "**_WEEEE!_**" Jakotsu squealed. Ayato just blushed. He hesitantly leaned forward and kissed the tranny and was going to pull away until Jakotsu snaked his hand around the back of his head and held him there. "**_AHRRMM!_**" Ayane coughed after _two minutes_ had passed, "Maybe we should move on to a different game."

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After playing strip poker (the winner **_JAKOTSU! WOOT!_**), Truth or Dare Extreme (see _M-M-M-M-M-MY SHARONA!_), having a vicious pillow war (with Ginkotsu, Ayane, and Ayato teaming up and, being the only ones left standing, declared three way winners) they decided that there was only one thing left to do to make the night complete. "**_DRINKING CONTEST!_**" The Color Twins shouted. "I'm in!" Bankotsu piped up, cradling his injured forearm (don't ask) "Me too!" called Suikotsu, standing on his head (another thing it's better you shouldn't ask) "Same here!" Jakotsu yelled from his spot on the floor, where Ayato was now sitting in his lap (might do a side story on this one if I get enough reader requests! Heh heh!) "Count me in too!" exclaimed Ayato. "GESH!" clanked Ginkotsu, which in "Ginkotsu Speak" translates to, "Sign me up!" Ayane then ran to the cellar and came back up with several crates of Lager, Shochu, Junmaishu and Vodka and a cooler filled with ice for those who wanted it. She used telekinesis to quickly pass out the alcohol evenly and shouted, "_**LAST ONE STANDING OR SITTING, WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE, WINS!**_ **_READYGETSETGO!_**" The sound of corks being popped was heard as they started chugging it down. 

_Glugglugglug_

_Pop_

_Glugglugglug_

_Pop_

_Glugglugglug_

_pop_

**THD**_Splshh_

"One down." Ayane said calmly, looking at the unconscious form of her twin who spilled Lager along his front as he went down.

_Glugglugglug_

_Pop_

_Gluglugglug_

**THMCLNG**

"Two an' three." Bankotsu tallied, picking up another Shochu, gazing down at the inebriated forms of Renkotsu and Ginkotsu.

_Pop_

_Glugglugglug_

**WHMP**

"Tha' makesh four." Ayane slurred, staring unfocusedly at the black-ed out form of Jakotsu (currently slumped over her brother)

_Pop_

**WHD**

"An' five." Bankotsu said unfocusedly.

It was down to Ayane and Bankotsu and both having stubborn streaks a mile wide weren't going to stop until the other passed out drunk (or dead from alcohol poisoning, whatever the case may be). Ayane decided that this would be the right time to bring out the tie breaker, the one alcohol that would decide the true winner of this drinking contest; she reached behind the sofa and pulled out a bottle of Everclear ( liquor that'll kick...your..._**ASS!**_). "Whash tha'?" Bankotsu asked as she sloppily poured two glasses of the stuff. "Thish shtuffsh shtrong 'nuff ta put cha 'n yer grave, resshurrect ya 'n kill ya all over 'gin." she replied with a grin on her face, this one with a slight drunken edge to it, "If thish don't decide th' winner 'n one shot, nuttin will! Reeeeady?" he nodded and took up the glass and on the three count, the two imbibed the liquor at the same time. There was a pause…

**BM-WM**

Both crashed into the floor seemingly unconscious, till Ayane pushed herself up a bit, pulled a magic marker out of her front pocket and wrote the words, _**'YOU LOSE!'**_ on his forehead, before passing out herself on top of him.

* * *

The next morning, Ayane was first to wake with a raging hangover which she promptly rid herself of by focusing her telekinetic energy to rid her body of the alcohol. Sighing and looking around, she knew that Shichinintai and her brother would be in one helluva mood when they woke up, so she made her way to the well and prepared to jump when she noticed a sizeable fracture in the wood that hadn't /been there the night before. _"When'd that happen! I wasn't THAT drunk!" _Ayane thought incredulously. 

_-Back in the Sengoku Jidai, the previous night-_

"**STUPID, MOTHER-FUCKIN' WELL!** **THIS**(WHAK)**IS WHAT**(WHAK)**YOU GET**(WHAK)**FOR HURTIN'**(WHAK)**MY FOOT!**" Inuyasha snarled, repeatedly kicking the well.

_-Present Time-_

"_Well shit! Now I'm gonna have ta call someone in ta fix this damn thing before The Shichinintai can cross back over!"_ She thought racing silently from the well house and moving with all the stealth of a ninja through her house to find the phone book. As she flipped through it, she began to realize how stupid this was, _"Psh! Yeah right! Like there's actually going to be someone listed in here to fix a magic we--"_ her thoughts were cut off when she came to a twenty page section in the yellow pages complete devoted to Magic Well repair, _"You've gotta be shittin' me…" _Let her index finger run over several possibilities before coming to a stop over **"Magic Well's Inc. Since 1482"** Picking up the phone she quickly dialed the number and told them to come over as quickly and quietly as possible to assess the damage.

The Well Fixers turned out to be very professional and spent a full hour calculating the damage and after they concluded their evaluation, the elder of the two approached her. "Well, ma'am, it doesn't appear ta be to bad, however it will take us awhile ta get what we need to fix it. I'd say it'll cost ya around…100,000yen (equivalent to 800 dollars) at least." There was a silence as Ayane's telekinetic energy began to cause a isolated 8.5 earthquake and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "**_100,000YEN!_ ARE YOU OUTTA YER _TEENY TINY LITTLE MINDS!_ THAT'S _HIGHWAY ROBBERY!_" **Whipping out her oversized Gallagher mallet roared, "**GET…_OOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT!_**" -**WHAAAAAMMMMM!**- There was the sound and smell of burning rubber as the well repairmen tore out of there. The earthquake ended and her telekinetic energy retreated Ayane heard a -hmmmm-ing noise behind her and whipped around to see some random person appraising the damage of the well. "Who the **FUCK** are **_you!_** **GET _OUUUTTTTT!_**" she screamed bringing down the mallet. Laughing maniacally the random guy ran out with a sizeable dent in his skull. "_SCREW THIS!_" Ayane thought angrily, _"I'll do it myself!"_ Twenty minutes later, the crack was filled with a new piece of wood and was being held together (for the time being) by duct tape until the wood glue dried (ALL BOW TO THE AWESOME POWER OF DUCT TAPE!). and just as she completed this task there was a round of shouting from the house, "**_HOLY-FUCKIN' SHIT MY HEAD!_**" _"Well, looks like they're finally awake."_ Ayane thought, now in a much brighter mood.

* * *

(A/N:Toall you wondering, yes Everclear is real and it is strong enough to kill.Next chappie: Dunno whaddle happen cause this story's taken on a life of it's own! I'm holdin' out for five reviews so R&R! Flames always accepted!) 


	9. 3WAY pt1: If ya thought TWO were bad

(A/N: You guys are such meanies! Only _**two**_ reviews? MaybeI should discontinue this story, huh? Howdja like that, huh? Anyways, on with the story -grumble, grumble-)

* * *

It took several hours to clean up the vomit from the Shichinintai (Ayato had taken a leaf outta Ayane's book) and by the time they had finished, there was a knock at the door. Ayato's eyes narrowed, "Ya expectin' someone?" Ayane rolled her eyes, "No, _little brother_. 'ts not my non-existent-boyfriend paying a visit." (overprotective much?) She open the door and had a brief conversation with whomever was there then shut it, running excitedly to Ayato with a parcel in her arms. "**_YACCHAN! YACCHAN! 'TS FROM MOM! 'TS FROM MOM!_**" The two tore at the box while the Shichinintai rolled around on the floor, begging, "Will you two _please_ shuddup?" Inside were two t-shirts that said, "Goin' ta Mardi Gras!" a large envelope and a letter, that read: 

Dear Ayakkun and Yacchan,

I hope this letter finds you both in good spirits. Louisiana is in-freakin'-credible! Which is why I've enclosed seven tickets, two for you and five for whom ever stayin' with you-

"**_Daaaaaamn!_** She's good!" Ayane whistled. "How does she **_do_** that?" Ayato wondered.

-to come on down for Mardi Gras! Don't worry about spottin' me in the airport either! I'll have the American flag airbrushed on my breasts!-

"**_AAAAAAWWWWW! MO-OM!_**" The twins whined in disgust.

-Can't wait to see y'all!

Love ya bunches,

Mom

The two looked directly at each other and grinned widely then zipped about the room, ridding the members of the Shichinintai of their hangovers. "Get **_UP_**, ya lump!" Ayane screamed pulling Bankotsu to his feet by his left arm. "**_C'MON! MOVE IT!_**" Ayato shouted, lifting Jakotsu up under the armpits. "**_UP! NOW!_**" Ayane yelled, kicking Renkotsu in the stomach. "**_UP! UP! UP!_**" Ayato bellowed, pouring a bucket of water over Suikotsu's head. "Ginny! Up 'n at'm!" Ayane called, waking the tin man by tapping him on the head a few times. "Hey wazzthedeal?" Bankotsu growled. "Yeah! Waz goin' on?" Suikotsu snarled wondering, why he was all wet. "Gentlemen…" Ayane said enthusiastically, "Get ready cause we're goin' to New Orleans!"

* * *

After a two hour plane trip that nearly resulted in Renkotsu hijacking the plane (until Jakotsu accidentally knocked him out when he was making his way to the bathroom) The arrived in New Orleans, Louisiana. Steel drums playing everywhere along with lap drums, slope drums, and a masenqo. Beer bongs, ice shoots, games of chicken, maskers dancing around, two guys making out…and they hadn't even left the flight gate yet. "Where are we?" Renkotsu asked. "Yeah…what is this?" Jakotsu asked, eyeing the same sex couple with increasing interest. "To answer both those questions, New Orleans and Mardi Gras!" The Color Twins cried joyfully. "**_LOOK! LOOK! THERE'S MOM! MOM! MOM! OVER HERE!_**" A topless woman with a flag painted on her chest with twenty strands of multi-colored beads swinging round her neck ran over to the two and grabbed them in a bone crushing hug. She had the same fiery red hair, eyes and stature as her children. "Guys? This is Ayaki! Our mom! Mom? This is Jakotsu…" "Mm…" **_-SMAK!-_** (whisper) "Doncha be showin' no disrespect ta my mama!" "…hi…" Much better! This is Suikotsu." "Yo!" "Bankotsu." "'sup?" "Renkotsu." (nods his head) "Good to meet you." "And Ginkotsu!" "GESH!" The woman grinned up at them, "'ts nice ta meetcha'll! Oh, Ayakkun! Quick! Quick! This way! You have ta sign up!" "Sign up? Sign up for what?" Ayane asked as she was dragged along by the wrist. "For the Queen of Mardi Gras silly!" "Oh!" Ayane said, finally on the same page as the boys did there best to catch up. 

After signing up, they took to the streets. "What is all this?" Bankotsu asked, drinking in all the colorful parade floats, loud music, wild, suggestive dancing, public insobriety and sexuality, flashing and streaking, "We already told you, it's Mardi Gras!" Ayato cried, "Seven days where people have the freedom to get loose!" "Speaking of which…" Ayane said before yanking up her top and flashing a float, "**_WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**" A handful of beads was tossed her way and she tugged down her shirt leapt up and caught them in one hand. The Shichinintai gaped at her, "Why…did you just do that?" Renkotsu gawked. "These beads are like currency around here during Mardi Gras. You have to do all sorts of crazy shit to gett'm. Besides…" she poked Renkotsu's nose, "You guys are**_ waaaaaaaaay_** too uptight! Mardi Gras is just what you guys need!" "Agreed." Ayaki and Ayato chimed in.

Five hours later…

"**_CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG!_**" Renkotsu covered the end of the beer bong with his thumb, "**_WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**" He had a Viking helmet on his head (complete with braids) had lost the top half of his kimono and had several strands of Mardi Gras beads around his neck from flashing his piece to some female revelers. Bankotsu was with Ayane and they were…wellll… "**_TOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKETOKE!_**" She pulled away from the fishtank bong the local pothead's had rigged up and said, "This is some good shit!" "**_WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! AH-YEEEEAH!_**" Yup, you heard right! Ayane and Bankotsu are rockin' the ganj' with the local potheads! Bankotsu was laughing his ass off on the sofa with at least ten strange people he didn't know and he didn't give a shit! Jakotsu was drunk as a skunk and making out with a woman with short hair and a flat chest (he was too inebriated ta tell the difference) Ginkotsu was high as a kite after snorting coke and was doing doughnuts in the streets and offering rides to anyone who happened to pass within fifty feet of him. Suikotsu was involved in a game of chicken and had a blonde on his shoulders. And Ayaki was busy stuffing the ballot box and making out with Jakotsu.

Later that day it was announced that Ayane was the new queen and she should proceed to the streets in her best bikini (I just HAD to put that in!), and being drunk and high, she wasn't about to refuse. She climbed onto the float and called out "**_PARTY ON!_**" There was a tumultuous roar as the float lurched forward.

Seven days later, they stumbled into the plane, totally blissed out. "Whadda party." Jakotsu sighed happily, touching a hickey made by a man named Renaldo on his neck. "I feel totally…relaaaaaaaaaaaxxed." Renkotsu slurred out slowly leaning back against his airplane seat, a large purple jester's hat on his head. "**_Hee hee hee hee hee hee haa haa haa haa haa haa!_**" Ayane was laughing with her mother, a bridal veil on her head and her queen of Mardi Gras crown on top of it, there was a small bouquet in her hand and she was wearing blue jeansover a pink string bikini. "**_Haa haa hee hee hee hee!_**" Ayaki giggled, doubled over with laughter, a flower wreath on her head. Ayato was laughing too hard to even speak, a black top hat on his head an giant stuffed duck in his lap. Bankotsu was laughing with the Color Family, a large stuffed unicorn behind his head (ha ha! Unicorn! See chapter 6 for details!). Suikotsu was asleep, snoring loudly, a large shiner from a fight he had gotten into while drunk on his lip. Ginkotsu was in the cargo hold, also sleeping, a huge bag, containing every ones beads, under his head.

By now, I know your wondering, why's everyone laughing? Well, Bankotsu while very high and drunk, asked Ayane to marry him and Ayane, equally drunk and loopy, agreed. Her mother was the maid of honor and her brother the best man at the 24 hour chapel. The two had gotten divorced before heading to the airport, still in wedding attire. And after they came down of the drugs and it finally registered how stupid they truly looked, they could only laugh. Ayane gasped for breathe, adjusting her headpiece, "Banpyon?" "Y-yeah?" "This never happened." "Got that right." "What happens during Mardi Gras stays in New Orleans." Ayaki stated leaning back.

* * *

(A/N: Yeah yeah, lotsa drug and alcohol references. So sue me! But Hey! At least I thought it was funny! R&R!) 


	10. 3WAY pt2: The Sunnyside!

(A/N: I'm back! Irked with th' lackage in the review department, but oh well! I press on! BTW, I know it's real late in the day, but a correction for Chapter 4, Greenwood is actually Ryokurin-ryo. I hope you all enjoy this chappie cuz this one was one of the funnest to write ((yeah, you heard me! fun, funner, funnest, look it up!)) Enjoy!)

* * *

Ayane, Ayato and their mother Ayaki hadn't been back home two minutes when they had taken to annoying the Shichinintai again. They had been singing in loud, rowdy voices for tha past hour and a half, singing the same song in a loop, over and over again like the energizer bunny (and it wasn't helping that they had gotten Ginkotsu into the act). 

"God, will they ever shut up?" Renkotsu moaned. "Don't count on it." Suikotsu said dully, idly looking down at his claws and longing to drive them into his eardrums. "Why doesn't the sound of their own voices drive them insane?" Jakotsu cried. Bankotsu didn't speak as he was too busy slamming his head against a wall. They were all surprised they could hear themselves at all over:

"_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Ether!_

_Ether who?_

_Ether Bunny!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Mini!_

_Mini who?_

_Mini Ether bunnies!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Mini!_

_Mini who?_

_Mini van ran over Ether bunnies!_

_Aww!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Boo!_

_Boo who?_

_Don't cry! Ether bunnies be back next year!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Banana!_

_Banana who?_

_Banana slug!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Banana!_

_Banana who?_

_Banana split!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Banana!_

_Banana who?_

_Banananana!_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life_

_Knock, knock!_

_Who's there?_

_Orange!_

_Orange who?_

_Orange you glad I didn't say banana?_

_Yay!_

_Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life!_"

"Ugh! Ya know what they say?" Renkotsu asked. "No. What?" Jakotsu asked wearily. "If ya can't beat'm…join'm?" Bankotsu asked, looking rather dizzy. "Uh-huh." Suikotsu nodded, getting to his feet. The rest of the Shichinintai followed suit and soon…

"_OOH…! Stay on the sunnyside_

_Always on the sunnyside_

_Stay on the sunnyside of life_

_NaNaNaNaNa_

_Yeah, you won't feel the pain_

_As we drive you all insane_

_So stay on the sunnyside of life!_"

* * *

(A/N: I'd like to thank the Mad Minds of my Bestest friends in the whole wide world, Sabrina, Kaycee, Megan and Tiffany for the song! Ain't it peachy? In the mean time, check out my other stories! Some of them I'm pretty proud of. And remember, your authoress needs a steady diet of reviews and fresh ideas to survive so please, FEED AND WATER YOUR AUTHORESS REGULARLY! R&R peeps!) 


	11. 3WAY pt3: MONKEY MADNESS!

(A/N: WEEEEEE! I'd like to thank the academy and all my lovely reviewers! This chappie goes out to melchiah25! Thankya bunches babe! Dont know ya, but this is fer you hun!(damn that sounded mean, didn't mean it too but man...snff...I'm a big fat meanie! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ((Can ya TELL I'M MENSTRAL!)) Anyways, Enjoy!)

* * *

The Shichinintai watched in amusement as the Color Twins argued loudly, fighting ferociously for possesion of the all mighty remote control. "**Chicken Wrestling!**" "**Monster Trucks!**" "**Chicken Wrestling!**" "**Monster Trucks!**" "**Chicken Wrestling!**" "**Monster Tr**-" "**_Ayakkun! Yacchan!_**" Ayaki snapped, stepping between her children, "I know of an easy compromise." She grabbed the remote and flipped to a channel and a glazed, happy expression filled her children's faces, "Chickens driving Wrestling Monster Trucks…**_KILLER!_**" "What's the big deal?" Renkotsu said stupidly, not realizing his grievous error, "It's just poultry riding around in headless Ginkotsu's." Ayane and Ayato's eyes gleamed, "You insulted Chicken Monster Truck Wrestling?…**_HAVE AT THEE!_**" they shouted, launching themselves at him. Ayane locked his legs and arms in place by wrapping her legs around his and getting him in a strangle hold. Meanwhile Ayato had dashed to the kitchen to grab two bottles of Guatemalan Insanity Pepper Hot Sauce. Ayane grabbed one bottle and popped the top with her teeth, "Wuh-what are you gonna do with-" "_**VENGENCE!**_" they roared, squeezing hot sauce into his eyes (Ayato) and mouth (Ayane). 

The Shichintai had learned better by mow than to interfere with Ayato and Ayane's fun (besides, what Renkotsu said was uncalled for!), and they were now eating popcorn offered to them by Ayaki as Renkotsu screamed (or tried to. Ayane kept shoving that bottle down his gullet and pouring hot sauce down his throat).

When both bottles were empty, Ayane released her grip on the snake eyed man, "Next time, we're using Banryuu." Ayane snarled. Ayato nodded in agreement and they returned to watching they're show. After five minutes, Suikotsu foolishly spoke up, "Ugh…how can you two watch this trash?" Ayane head snapped around, "_GRRRRAARRRRRRRRRRR!_" a low, loud growl erupted from her throat; there was a red blur that became a fleeting cyclone surrounding the mentally-unstable man, and Ayane returned to her coma in front of the T.V…but not until after dressing Suikotsu in a bunny outfit.

After two hours of mind numbing T.V., the Color Family was bored so they randomly decided that they were going to the zoo and that the Shichinintai were coming (whether they liked it or not.) "Why should we?" Renkotsu asked haughtily. Ayaki nodded at Ayane who whipped out some very, very racy photos of the Shichinintai. "**_WHERE DID YOU GET-_**" they screamed. "During Mardi Gras. We knew might need something to blackmail you with, so we hired two Private Investigators to follow you all around, take pictures and video tape you!" Ayato said evilly, grinning broadly. "You wan'm back? Yer gunna hafta earn'm back one at a time!" Ayaki cackled. "And to start, you can earn back these two lovelies of Bankotsu making out with a moose and Jakotsu and Renkotsu going down on each other by going to the zoo with us!" Ayane said brightly.

* * *

It took them quite awhile to get past security, after all, the front gate had a metal detector and what with Ginkotsu being the tin man and all…needless to say it took a bit of explaining, persuading, and extortion to get him through the gates. 

"Alright! Where to first?" Ayaki asked. "**_MONKEYS!_**" the twins shouted. "Whatever…" The Shichinintai said listlessly. They made their way to the monkey cages where a zookeeper named Hiroshi had a baby chimp in his arms. "_**AAAAWWWWWWW! HOW KYOOOOOOOOOT!**_" Ayane and Ayaki squealed. "Dude…did they just act like…girls?" Bankotsu asked Ayato in disbelief. "They have their moments." Ayato sighed in a put out way. Hiroshi couldn't help but notice the two women fawning over the infant primate from a distant and quickly closed the gap, "Excuse me, would you like to hold Kokou?" "Could we?" Ayane asked, already taking the chimp gently. Ayato glared at Hiroshi. Had Hiro been about fifty years older, Ayato wouldn't have minded him coming around his Mom or sister, but the fact that he was probably only three, maybe four years older than Ayane, irked him to no end.

* * *

Suikotsu stared at the baboon cage. The baboon stared back imperiously. Suikotsu stared at the monkey. The monkey stared back. "Suikotsu? C'mere!" Jakotsu called, waving and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Huh?" he said turning in surprise, and as he did so, his claws tore through the lock, releasing the thirty seven baboons within who all went straight for Hiroshi. "GYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGGH!" he bellowed fleeing from the shrieking baboons. "What the-" Ayane gasped, Kokou still in her arms. She waltzed over to the lock and examined it and whirled around, "Ayato!" "What? Whaddye do?" he said in feigned innocence. "You softened the metal! I was interested in the monkey, not the ape who was holding her!" Ayane snapped, giving her mother a turn with Kokou as she poked Ayato sharply in the chest.

* * *

Renkotsu was watching things unfold from a nearby bench when… 

POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP!

Renkotsu flew twenty feet in the air, his flask of gasoline went flying, striking his shiny bald head with a crash and exploding into flame as it came into contact with the firecrackers some fool of a child decided to hurl at him, leading to Renkotsu becoming an involuntary member of the Japanese Space Program.

Renkotsu drifted through the airless space (mysteriously able to breathe ((damn it all!)) ) when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. "Hey! Is that a giant baby? What the fuck have I been smokin'?" Renkotsu cried as a joint floated out of his kimono sleeve, "Oh yeah…pot."

* * *

Jakotsu leaned against a cage, watching the heated argument between the Color Twins, when he felt a sharp tug on the back of his head. He tried to turn his head to see who it was (so he could make them pay) but found himself trapped. 

Tomo spotted another human against the side of his cage. He prepared to lean down and scoop up a handful of excrement when something glinted in the human's minimal patch of fur. Taking a chance, Tomo skittered forward and took a closer look. Oooh…so shiny…so sparkly…He had to make it his. He reached up and pulled and found himself in quite a predicament. His nimble fingers had become ensnarled in this brutish human's fur!

"Oh My GOD! HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is a photo op if I ever saw one!" Ayane laughed hysterically, snapping picture after picture of the spider monkey trapped in Jakotsu's hair. "Stop taking picture and GET IT OUT!" Jakotsu screamed. "Oh fine. Calm down." Ayato said soothingly, quickly untangling the monkey fingers from Jakotsu's hair pin and hair in a position that made it appear to the casual observer that they were hugging. "There! All done!" Ayato said starting to move away, but Jakotsu quickly wrapped his arms around Ayato's neck, "Awww…but you didn't give me a chance to thank you properly…" Jakotsu said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Later." Ayato said, blushing furiously. "Hey! Where'd Banpyon go?" Ayane asked looking left and right.

Bankotsu some how had ended up in the big cat section and was stumbling around dizzily. It was, for some reason, becoming harder for him to breathe with each step and his eyes were watering and sooo itchy! His skin was covered in hives and he was sneezing violently. "Sir? Sir, I highly suggest you leave, like, um, NOW!" a zookeeper named Kimi said, looking very worried. "Hunuh? ;:snrk:; buh whah?" he asked. "Because it appears as though you have SERIOUS allergies to cats, sir! You need to get out of here." "Ohkayee." He said, walking dazedly towards the monkey cages.

* * *

They only went home because Ayane, Ayato and Ayaki realized they were going to miss BANZAI! and they didn't even realize Renkotsu was missing until he slammed into the ground like a fiery meteor in front of the house five hours later.

* * *

(A/N: WOOOT! Remember that I will always take requests no matter how stupid, pointless or random! And Lena Silverwing? If I get two or three more request for a side story on JakXYa, your wish shall come true. 

WOOHOO! Next time, a water skiing squirrel! Don't forget your Authoress needs steady nourishment. R&R! FEED THE AUTHORESS!)


	12. 3WAY pt4: Traumatized!

(A/N: I'm baaaaaack! Sorry it took s' long! I'd like to thank Bill Engvall and RahabsRehab for the ideas and to all my reviewers...BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG HUGGLES! ((SMOOOOCHIES!)) Read on, my peeps!)

* * *

Ayane was giggling to herself, rocking back and forth on the balls and heels of her feet, smiling evilly. Jakotsu stared at her strangely, "What's the deal?" She continued snickering, and looked at Jakotsu, an wicked gleam in her eyes, "Watch this!" She pulled out a sheet of bubble wrap and walked behind Renkotsu, whom ever since that little incident with the firecrackers, had been permanently traumatized and fearful of loud popping noises. (it had served as a source of great entertainment for The Color Family) She rolled out the bubble wrap on the floor directly behind him and jumped high into the air. 

**POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP!**

"YAAAAUGH! THEY'RECOMIN'TAGETME!" Renkotsu screeched, flying off the sofa and running for cover in another room. Ayane laughed hysterically, rolling around on the floor. In the next room, Ayato was lounging on the sofa when Renkotsu ran in on him, not missing a beat, he reached under him and lit the fuse of the firecrackers and threw them at the frantic man.

**POPOPOPPPOPOPOPOPOPPPOPOPOPOPOPOPPOPOPOP!**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! KEEPAWAYENMADAIOH! KEEPAWAAAAAAAY!" He howled, shooting into another room. Ayaki glanced up from her trashy romance novel and blew up a paper bag.

_**POP!**_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" Renkotsu shrieked, darting into Ayane's bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Aaaaahhhh…that was fun!" three voice chorused as the doorbell rang.

It was the Color Family's Cross-the-Street-Neighbors (WOO! That's a mouthful!), The Higurashi's.

"Hi, Ayaki! How was Louisiana?" Takara (Kag's mom) asked. "Fan-freakin'-tastic!" Ayaki supplied, "And to what do I owe this visit?" "Well, we've decided to go on a five day trip to America to see Disney World in Orlando." "We're going to take pictures and torment Kagome with them." Sota jumped in. "Yes, and we wanted know if you could take Buyo." Yoji (Kag's grandpa) said pointedly. Ayane and Ayato's ears perked up at this and they popped there heads into the room and exchanged wicked smiles with their mother before for saying in unison, "We'll do it."

* * *

Bankotsu was currently lying on his stomach in the living room, watching T.V. with Suikotsu. It was a How To Train Squirrels To Water Skii demonstration and they were right at the part were the trainer was being attacked by a giant hoard of rabid, radioactive members of the species while a girl with an evil aura in the background, with what appeared to be a spork in a Surgeon General's uniform at her side, laughed maniacally, when all of a sudden, something tickled his nose. 

"**_HATCHOO!_**"

"Bless you." Suikotsu growled, not diverting his eyes from the screen. Bankotsu rubbed his nose, _"What was that all about?"_ he thought, puzzled. He redirected his focus to the T.V.. The girl with robin's egg blue hair and red eyes spun around in circles screaming, "**_PEPTOBISMOL! ITTASTESLIKEPINK!_**" goading the squirrels on. He did his best to focus, but the tickle returned, stronger than ever.

"**_HATCHOO! HATCHOO! HATCHOOO!_**"

"Are you alright Big Brother?" Suikotsu asked, giving him a look. "Hugh…yah, um fahn." Bankotsu replied, grabbing a tissue and giving his schnozz a sharp blow. He then noticed an irritation along the skin of his arm. He scratched it, but the prickle traveled up to back. Soon he was one massive itchy, sneezy, snotty, hive covered mess and he was wondering what the hell was going on when he heard the, "Prrrrowrr?" and felt the soft fur wind itself around his ankle, which automatically became one, giant rash.

He looked down at the overweight feline and ran screaming into the only other room in the house with a lock, Ayaki's bedroom.

Ayane laughed her ass of and Ayato and Ayaki fell off the chairs the were sitting on and pounded the floor with their fist on the floor. Wiping away a tear, Ayane said, "Seriously though, all joking aside, we better send one of those idiots out to get medicine fer Banpyon. I mean, that bad a reaction from just one cat?" "Yer right."Ayaki sighed. "Too bad we couldn't get any pictures." Ayato huffed. "Hey! Suikotsu! C'mere!" Ayane called, beckoning to the mentally unstable man. "Whaddya want? I know how you operate. I'll stay right here until I know all the facts, thank you very much." He called back, not looking away from the T.V. as the girl sat on the announcers shoulders and played his head like a drum.

"_Damn!"_ they thought.

"Cool yer jets! We just want you ta go to the pharmacy ta get Benadryl for Banpyon's allergies, YEESH!" Ayane said, tossing him some money. He gave them a calculating look and stuffed the money down the front of the shirt the had bought him, calling for Ginkotsu.

* * *

Jakotsu was walking down the street, his arms laden with groceries that he had been talked into buying by Ayato. He entered he house and was greeted buy, "_**OOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_" The food was swooped from his arms as he was swarmed by teenage girls. One had chin length brown hair with blue streaks framing the face and dark brown eyes, one had shoulder blade length maroon hair with amethyst streaks and bright green eyes, one had curly blonde hair with orange streaks and hazel eyes and the last had bright pink hair and blue eyes. Ayane walked in and grinned malevolently, "Ahhh…Jakotsu…I see you've met my friends, Aoi (blue streaks), Murasaki (purple streaks), Kirika (blondie) and Houki (pinky). Girls?…this is Jakotsu." The circled in tightly around him like vultures, and Ayane just leaned back all she needed to do was implant the idea in her sugar charged friends minds and give them a video camera and she could lay back and relax this time (it was only a matter of time before her _you-know-what_ hit, so she was feeling a little tired). "Hey guys?" She called, "Doncha think his look's a little…yesterday?" She inwardly gagged for even saying it aloud but continued as their eyes lit up and Jakotsu's face filled with panic, "You know what I think he needs?" The girls wriggled like puppies and shrieked, "**MAKEOVER! _WEEEE!_**" "**_NOOOOOOOOO!_**" Jakotsu howled as the girls strung him up and Ayane handed them a video camera. "Be sure to get every thing!" she called as the screams faded away. 

Meanwhile, back with Suikotsu, he had just managed to find the pharmacy. He parked Ginkotsu and said, "Look, I'll be in out and done, so don't move, 'kay?" "Gesh!" Ginkotsu responded with a nod. Suikotsu, thinking everything would be fine, turned and entered the drugstore. Ginkotsu, now alone, wondered what that blue sign in front of him was for. It had a little picture of a man drawn in white. Ginkotsu cocked his head to the right and stared at it when he sensed movement behind him and felt himself being lifted into the air.

Suikotsu ran outside, medicine in hand and noticed Ginkotsu's absence and the man in blue standing where the tin man had just been parked, looking very disgruntled.

* * *

Suikotsu stormed into the house, Benadryl in one hand, ticket in the other, Ginkotsu looking very shamefaced trailing behind him. "Good ya got the Benadryl…and a parking ticket." Ayato said when he saw the slip, "50,000yen for parking in a Handicap spot?" "How was I supposda know?" Suikotsu roared, throwing Ayane the antihistamine and marching back to the living room. "Don't worry, Ginny." Ayane reassured him, "He's just feelin' like the idiot he is. Better get this to Banpyon." 

She snatched up a bobbypin and quickly picked the lock on the door and walked in, shutting it so Buyo wouldn't get in, "Hey Banpyon! I brought ya somethin' to make ya feel better!" Bankotsu shot her a look, "Yeah…right." Ayane glared, "Take it or I'll force it down your throat." Sighing angrily, he rolled over and took the capful of medicine she held, "Fine."

Thirty minutes later…

"Hey baby! Wazzup?" Bankotsu slurred, tottering around the house, his face flushed. He pointed to Ayaki, himself, gesturing back and forth wildly with his fingers. "Go to bed." Ayaki snickered. "That's whad I was thinkin' bout!" Ayane watched the spectacle through her brother's camcorder and giggled evilly as he stumbled into a wall, "Sorreh sir!" he said. Ayane had a thought and ran to the kitchen and grabbed a shot glass, filling it to the top with rum. She dashed back and handed it to the man saying, "You look thirsty." The alcohol and antihistamine converged in his stomach and five minutes later…

"Hahahahahahaha…snrk…hh…" he looked around wildly, "I'M GONNA BRAID MY HAIR!" Ayane laughed silently at this, wanting to point out that his hair was already braided, and two, to stop talking to the illusionary people, that they were her friends, not his. He sat down on the floor and took up some non-existent hair and began air braiding, then dropped the fictional hair and stared at his hands, giggling hysterically, "I never knew there were…TWO OF'M!" He stared hard at his hands, wiggling one finger after another, laughing an snorting hysterically.

* * *

Ayane felt the feeling that all girl's are familiar with (yeah…THAT one), and passed the camera to Ayaki, rushing for her bathroom, completely forgetting that Renkotsu was still barricaded inside…until she jiggled the knob that is. 

"Renrin! Open this door **NOW!**" she shouted, pounding on the door, frantic to get to the feminine hygiene products held with in. "NO! THEY'LLGETME! IKNOWTHEYWILL!" he howled. "**RENKOTSU, UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT A TAMPON IS, YOU'LL OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!**" Ayane roared back, kicking the door ferociously. "NO!" he shouted back. "**_THAT'S IT! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!_**" she screamed, bringing Ayaki running, sans camera (passed it off to Ayato) "What is it hun?" "Bring me an electric drill, a hack saw and an ice pick **_NOW!_**" Ayaki, being a woman, knew exactly what was wrong and quickly brought the supplies while Suikotsu just had to ask the stupid question, "Whaddya need all that stuff for?" "The drills for the door. The saw I'm gonna castrate'm with and I'm gonna shove the ice pick up his ass!" she snarled, already on the top hinge.

She finished with the hinges and kicked the door in and it was all Suikotsu could do to wrestle the saw and pick out of her grasp before she broke free and started slamming his and Renkotsu's heads into the wall. "**YOU _(SLAM)_ STUPID _(SLAM)_ SUNNZA _(SLAM)_ BITCHES! _(SLAM)_ DO _(SLAM)_ YOU _(SLAM)_ KNOW _(SLAM)_ WHAT _(SLAM)_ A _(SLAM)_ PERIOD _(SLAM)_ IS? _(SLAM)_ GOD _(SLAM)_ DAMN _(SLAM)_ YOU! _(SLAM)_**" She the smashed their rock hard skulls together and threw them out of her bathroom. (while this had been happening, Ayaki had fixed the door) Ayane glared at them one last time and slammed the door behind her muttering about getting Renrin therapy.

In the living room, Bankotsu had discovered love in the form of a mop, whom he named…Gloria, and Jakotsu finally escaped the clutches of Ayane's friends. However, he didn't avoid being forced into a hot-pink mini skirt, neon orange tube top and phosphorescent green lipstick. His feet were killing him in the five inch stilettos the had forced his feet into and they had put his hair in pigtails with sparkly pom-pom hairties.

All Jakotsu could think was, _"Thank GOD it's over!"_

TBC

* * *

(A/N: Yes, this chappie will be continued over into Ch.13, where Renkotsu goes into therapy and yes! Banpyon's still high! ((snrk!)) what else will happen? that fer me and my stuffed chicken ta know and fer you ta never, ever ever find out! NYEH!...well at least not until next chapter! FEED AND WATER YOUR AUTHORESS! R&R!) 


	13. 3WAY pt5: Psychiactrics!

(A/N: Yo! The continuation of last chapter's madness is in! Read on!)

* * *

They sat in the waiting room, video camera rolling as Bankotsu built a love nest for himself and Gloria out of chairs. "Fear not, my love! Soon we'll be away from prying---" Ayane started dangling a silver necklace with a blood red pendant held in the talons of a silver dragon in front of Bankotsu's face; it glinted in the light. "…shiny…." He tossed his lover, the mop, aside and sat like a dog, his head following the ornament as it swung back and forth. "Tell ya what, Banny," Ayane said, preparing to deal with the obviously high man, still constantly swinging the necklace side to side, "I'll give you the shiny…if you find Captain Happy." Bankotsu nodded vigorously and took off like a shot (or as quickly as one could go while complete doped up on Benadryl and rum) in search of the figment of Ayane's sick mind, Captain Happy.

"Where's he off to?" Ayato asked, handing his sister a paper cup filled with water from the cooler. "To find Captain Happy." She grinned, taking the cup. "You mean that evil, psycho-killer lamb you imagined up when you were four that was taken away by the government?" Ayaki asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's the one!" Ayane said happily, swinging her feet as the door the psychiatrist's office opened.

"Nakamura…Renkotsu-zan? Pleaze ztep into my office." The psychiatrist was short, stout and reminded Ayane a lot of a weebil; he was bald on the top, with a gray hair ringing the sides, a beard, mustache and glass concealing his shiny black eyes. The snake eyed man stood up, nervously twitching, the door shutting behind them.

"Now zen, Renkotsu-zan, I vant you to tell me ect-xact-oly vat is trrrrubling you." the doctor said. "Wuh-well doc, it'slike this, see. They're out ta get me. No matter where I go, they're there. Them and their fiery implements of doom! Hff-uff-hff-uff-hff-uff-hff!" "Cahlm down, Renkotsu-zan. Who ahre zey? Who ahre zeez people ov vich you zpeak?"

The door to the office opened and Renkotsu exited, visibly shaken, "Ayane-zan? Could I zpeak vith you vor a moment?" Ayane looked up from giving Suikotsu a German Suplex and released her hold and skipped into the office.

"Now zen, Ayane-zan, it haz recently cahme to my attention zat you ahre zee reason for Rrrrenkotsu-zan's phobia. Iz zis true?" Ayane smiled, "Yup!" The psychiatrist blinked in surprise, "Ahnd you haff no…eh…rrremorse for zis?" Ayane grinned bouncily, "Nope! It was funnn!" "You feel…nuthink? Nuthink at tall? You should be ashamed!" he sputtered. "But I'm not. I'm not sorry!" she snickered. "Vat did you do? I demahnd to know! Vat could you pozzibly ahve done to ahve reduced Rrrenkotsu-zan to zuch a ztate?" Ayane's blood red orbs glowed with a malevolent light as she loomed over the doctor, closing the distance between them before he had the chance to blink, "You wanna know, huh? Fine. I'll show you." She descended on the doctor and a scream echoed out from the office.

The door opened and Ayane walked out, leading the doctor, who was walking on all fours, by a chain. "Look, mom! I got a new pet!" she squealed happily. "Now honey, you didn't feed the last one." Ayaki chided. "Aw, c'mon mom! Puh-leeeeeez?" she and Ayato begged, their eyes going huge and teary. "Oh alright, but you're responsible." Ayaki said with a smile. "YAY!" they cheered jumping up and down.

Bankotsu charged in, sans pants, a blood soaked, bullet riddled Jakotsu in tow (apparently he had been used as a human shield) along with what appeared to be a perfectly harmless lamb. "Captain Happy!" Ayane cried, dragging the psychiatrist/dog along the floor. "Aa-aab!" Captain Happy bleated. "What's wrong with him?" Suikotsu asked. "He's dyslexic!" Ayane cried happily, snuggling into his neck. "I want Dixie-Dot!" Bankotsu demanded. "I wanna doctor." Jakotsu begged, falling to the floor with a thump. Ayane tossed the necklace out the window, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DIXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Bankotsu screamed, leaping out the window. "God, what a dumb way a go." Ayato mused as Bankotsu hit the pavement (not dead yet, but Ayato don't know that.) "You ain't just whistlin'-" Jakotsu started before the authoress stormed in and threw him against the wall, "DON'T—FINISH—THAT—SENTENCE! I will NOT have stupid puns in my fic!" she released him opened a portal with her authoress powers and disappeared with a –pop–. "Well…that was weird." Suikotsu said, scratching his head.

At the house, Ginkotsu stared hard at a box and wondered why it was labeled high voltage as he careened headlong towards it.

* * *

(A/N: Sorry it's so short, but oh well! What will happen next? I DON'T KNOW! Do not forget that all submitted readers suggestions **_will be used!_** R&R PEEPS!)


	14. 3WAY pt6: Clay Pots'n'Demons'n'Glue!

(A/N: YO! I'm BAAAAAAAACK! In this chapter...NOPE! Not givin' away nothin! HEE HEE! OOOO! How I love the power! Read on!)

* * *

Naraku was pissed. Verrrrrrry pissed. In fact , let me put his pissed off-ed-ness into terms you can understand: he was like a PMS-ing sixteen year-old who just ran out of tampons, can't find any Midol, while men are in the room, making fun of her weight and there's a world wide chocolate and potato chip shortage: THAT'S how pissed he is. 

It had been over a month since he had last seen the Shichinintai and he had had enough.

"Kagura! Kanna!" he called angrily. The two detachments appeared at his side. "Kanna! Show me the Shichinintai." he snarled. Kanna's mirror glowed and an image appeared. "Wuh-WHAT THE--!" Naraku sputtered as Kagura shrieked with laughter.

Bankotsu was in a sparkly pink dress, his hair was in ringlets and a tiara was on his head. In his hand was Banryuu and he was dancing around in a circle on his tiptoes, singing, "I'm a pretty princess!" Jakotsu was sobbing with joy, "I HAVE---HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIR!" he smooshed his nose in the long black locks and sobbed hysterically. Renkotsu rocked back and forth, looking very disturbed, "She's gonna get me….she's gonna get me...Britney Spears…gonna get me…" Ginkotsu was wearing a flower circlet on his head and a another around his neck, his eyes were happy horseshoes and he was surrounded by little baby animals, "Gesh! Geshgesh…Gesh!" Suikotsu was eating a great deal of a substance Naraku had never seen before then three voices, two female, one male sang loudly, "I scream! You scream!" then Suikotsu joined them, "WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM! YAHAHAHAHA!"

A woman with short bright red hair appeared, followed by a girl of sixteen with long reddish-brown tresses and a boy of sixteen with shoulder length crimson locks, obviously the girl's twin. Naraku had seen enough and told Kanna so. Kagura was on the floor, writhing with laughter, when Naraku lifted her up with a tentacle and said coolly, "You and Kanna shall accompany me to retrieve our wayward men." Kagura sighed, "Yes, Naraku…sama." Kanna merely nodded.

Kikyo was walking along, her usual stoic expression, the soul collectors in tow, when she noticed the dark miasma. "Naraku? He's on the move! But why?" she wondered, rushing after him.

Naraku, Kagura and Kanna stopped in front of the dry well, Kikyo hot on their heels. "Their energy disappears here." he mused, "In we go." leaping into the well.

Kikyo leapt in after them without a moments hesitation.

* * *

"Huh? What are you doing here, you creepy bitch?" Kagura cried as the vortex formed around them. "Following you." Kikyo snapped, "What are you doing here?" "Retrieving the Shichinintai." Naraku said coolly as the vortex disappeared and they landed with a crash, tangling up with one another. 

Ayane, Ayaki and Ayato dropped the paint ball guns they had modified to shoot jelly and stared into space. "Did you just feel that?" Ayane inquired her brother. "Yeah. Dark and cold. Complete blackness." He responded. "Totally devoid of light." Ayaki said. There was a silence. "MORE PEOPLE TO TORTURE! YAYSIES!" they squealed. "I'll go greet our 'guests'." Ayane said, grabbing a bucket of glue and a bag of feathers.

* * *

"Move your elbow!" That's my foot!" "…" "Don't touch there!" "PERV!" (SMAK!) "OWWIES!" "Why, hello there!" Ayane called, gazing down into the well, "What brings you on this fine day to my humble well house?" "…what…are you talking about?" Kagura said scathingly. "Are you going to stand there all day or get us out?" Kikyo growled. "Hmm…wow! That does sound like an idea! Watching you squirm like this makes for great entertainment! Thanks for the suggestion, lady!" Ayane grinned, cupping her chin in her hand. Naraku's jaw dropped, "Listen you…do you have any idea who I am?" A thoughtful look came over her face, "Hmmm…an idiot? A jerk? An egotistical psychopath? A moron? A jackass? Stop me if I get close." Kagura was howling with laughter, a tiny smile flitted across Kanna's lips and Naraku was red with anger, "Nuh-NO! I am the GREAT, AND POWERFUL NARAKU! FEARED BY HUMAN AND DEMON! TREMBLE BEFO-" "Yeah, yeah, yeah." She said dismissively, "You wanna know true fear?" Ayane asked, "Well then…here's a picture of Rosie O'Donnell NAKED!" she fipped the pic right in front of Naraku's nose, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH! MY EYES!" he screamed. "Heh heh heh!" she snickered, putting the picture away. "Are you going…to help us out of your well?" Kanna asked softly, as Naraku sobbed into Kagura's front, who tried desperately to claw his face off. Ayane cocked her head to the side, deliberating. "If you ask me nicely." she said finally. "Please?" Kagura and Kikyo chorused lamely. "Okie doke!" Ayane smiled brightly, hooking her legs on the lip of the well and swinging herself upside-down. She grabbed Kikyo and Kagura by the wrists and told Kanna to grab on to her neck. 

After swinging them up and out she gazed down at the hysterical hanyou grinning wickedly. "What about Naraku?" Kanna asked quietly. Ayane opened the bucket of glue and untied the bag of feathers. She dumped the container over his skull, ultimately dropping it on over his head, which snapped him out of his stupor. He roared up at her angrily only to be showered with feathers, which entered his mouth. "Don't worry, tightwad! I'll help you out later!" Kikyo and Kagura were doubled over with laughter and Kanna smiled again.

They traipsed through the yard passed a pen that held a single lamb. "Who is that?" Kikyo asked, looking over the lamb carefully, knowing that something wasn't right about it. "Oh! That's Captain Happy! He's an evil, psychotic killer!" Ayane said cheerfully. "He doesn't look like much from here." Kikyo said, looking the dyslexic lamb over. "Ooooo…you shouldn't oughten of said thaaaaaaaaaaat…" Ayane said, backing away from the pen, pushing Kagura and Kanna back. The lamb turned its black gaze on Kikyo, there was a loud, long scream that was suddenly cut off. "Wuh-whoa…" Kagura said, "That was…disgusting!" "Don't worry." Ayane said calmly, "She'll come out the other end eventually."

"Hello-oo?" Naraku called, "I'm still down here! Huh? Who are you?" "Heh! That's for me ta know, and mehbeh for you ta find out!" Ayato cackled, a bag of tapeworms behind his back.

* * *

(A/N: Hehehe! Yup! Clay Pot, Windy Britches, Farty Pants and Blank Slate Torturin' Time! Remember to keep those ideas comin'! Tune in next Chapter and R&R PEEPS! I'm outtie yo!) 


	15. 3WAY pt7: Explanations and Shrooms

(A/N: Yo! 'nother chappie up! Kikyo got eaten! Kikyo got eaten! Ha ha ha ha ha-ha! I've always wanted to do that! Read on to see what other madness my mind came up with at 12:56 at night!)

* * *

"So…what's his deal?" Kagura asked, looking at Bankotsu who was currently in a sparkly, blue tube top and poofy fairy-princess skirt, with fake-o angel wings strapped to his back as he made conversation with a tree. "Who? Banpyon? He's high on Benadryl and rum!" Ayane smiled. "What and what now?" Kagura queried. "Well ya see, it appears that lil' Banny has an ickle allergy to kitties, so we gave him some Benadryl to make it better, which it did, but it also made'm loopy." "But not enough for our tastes!" Ayaki snickered, "So Ayakkun's been giving him rum with each dose and this is the result." "AUGH! AUGH! GEDDOFFA ME EVIL RADISH! GEDDAWAY!" Bankotsu shrieked, running around in circles and slamming into a wall. "I see…" Kagura said, "Whaddabout him?" she asked, pointing to the psychiatrist/dog walking around on all fours in a dog costume. "He wanted to know what I did to Renrin." Ayane said, taking on a look of absolute calm that was reminiscent of Kanna; she turned her gaze on Kagura, who noticed her eyes had an insane light to them, "Do you…want to know…what I did to him?" she asked, a huge, unnatural grin filling her face. Kagura got seriously freaked, "Nuh-no! No! I-I'm fine! Thanks!" Psychiatrist/dog jumped up on the sofa and Ayane started beating him over the head with a remote, "BAD DOG! BAD DOG! BAD DOG!" Psychiatrist/dog yelped and ran out of the room, "Yea! You better run!" Ayane yelled, "Next time, I'm feeding you ta Captain Happy!" Kagura watched this with amusement, remembering fondly how the lamb had dispatched the claypot, Kikyo.

Shaking her head to clear it, she pointed to Jakotsu, "What's his damage?" Jakotsu was currently eatinga shoe and smashing his feet into guavas, saying, "Yes, the service has been superb so far. I never knew what purple sounded like before! It's fantastic! And I never knew sweet sounded like that! Cool! "Oh…Jakotan? He musta gotten into my stash." Ayane shrugged. "You don't mean…" Kagura started. "Hey, I try everything once." Ayane smirked, "From the looks of it, He got into my Shrooms and Acid." "AUGH! AUGH! GEDDAWAY BRITNEY SPEARS! AUGH! AUGH! GEDDAWAY YOU WHORE! GEDDAWAY! GEDDAWAY!" Jakotsu screamed thrashing about wildly, causing a huge vase to fly of a high shelf and onto his head, knocking him out cold. Ayane handed Kagura and Kanna sticks and walked over to Jakotsu's body. The three started poking him and Kagura noticed Renkotsu, rocking back and forth, whimpering, "What's wrong with him?" she asked. Smirking, Ayane dropped her stick and went for something under the sofa. After pulling out the Playskool Popcorn Popper, she carried it behind Renkotsu and then ran with it.

**_POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPPOPOPOPOPOPOPPPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP!_**

"YYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! STAYAWAY, ENMADAIOH!" he howled, "IT'SNOTMYTIME! TAKEGINKOTSU! HEONLYSAYSONEWORDFORTHELOVEOFGOD! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he ran shrieking from the room as Kagura, Ayane and Ayaki rolled on the floor with laughter and Kanna's smile grew bigger and lasted a bit longer this time. "Truh-traumatized?" Kagura gasped. "Traumatized." Ayane replied. "Whaddabout him? What's his deal?" Kagura asked, pointing to Suikotsu, who was rolling around in a pile of ice cream, getting more of it on him than in his mouth. "I turned him into an ice cream addict!" Ayane grinned, "Gwon! I dare ya ta take a spoonful! It'll be the last thing you'll ever do!" A fly flitted over head and landed on the ice cream; there was a flash of steel and Suikotsu's claws sliced the unfortunate creature to bits, causing a small Chunky Monkey Tsunami. Suikotsu then sighed contentedly and snuggled down in his ice cream nest, saying happily, "Mine…mine…mine…"

Ginkotsu rumbled by, gave Kagura and Kanna flower wreaths, made happy horseshoes with his eyes and continued on his way, scattering flower petals in his wake.

In the well house, there were several loud thumps, crashes and screams and Naraku dashed out, tape worms and leeches flying off him, covered in feathers, a rubber glove on his head, looking like an overgrown chicken. Bankotsu took notice and cried, "HAVE AT THEE, FOWL OF EVIL! I KNOW OF YOUR INSIDIOUS COLLABORATION WITH THE VILE TELETUBBIES AND THE ONE KNOWN AS…" he paused, looking like he might throw up, "BARNEY!" "Who is this…Barney? Teletubbies? Bankotsu, come to your senses!" Naraku snapped, looking a little afraid. "EN' GUARDE!" Bankotsu shouted, rushing Naraku with a carrot. Naraku, knowing how strong Bankotsu was, screamed and ran the other way.

Later, while everyone was eating dinner, Kikyo came in. "Eww…you smell stinky!" Ayato cried, pinching his nose, "You need a bath!" He grabbed her wrist with a dish towel and dragged her along to the bathroom, "Buh-bath? NO! I can-I mean, I don't need a bath!" Kikyo cried, struggling frantically to get free. "You're not kiddin' anyone, Queen Cow-crud!" Ayato cried, turning on the bath water, "In!" "NO!" "NOW!" "NO!" "Not an option!" Ayato said brightly, heaving her into the water. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! I'M MELTING! MELLLLLLTING!" Kikyo shrieked as she disintegrated. Ayato ignored her and poured soap into the clay filled water, humming to himself. He used her clothing as a strainer to keep her from going down the drain (not yet! She'll die later!) and said down to the lumpy mass that was the almighty miko, "When ya dry out and pull yourself together, come out and join us for dessert, kay?"

* * *

(A/N: ((spinning in office chair, gets dizzy, falls off, hits head)) Owwie...woo...lookie at the room spin! Sowwy it was so short but your authoress was dizzy! Don't forget to send in your suggestions for torture methods! I know what I'm doin' to Kanna next chappie but the others, I'm open to ideas! R&R PEEPS! I'm outtie yo!) 


	16. 3WAY pt8: Random Audience Of DOOM!

(A/N: I HAVE RETURNED! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Just so we're clear, I do not abhor drug use (although I have several friends who are druggies)That clear? Good.Gotten quite a few hate e-mails bashing me pretty hard so I thought I'd straighten that out. Anyhoo, their's even more drug use and alcohol abuse in this chappie (for all you whiny lil'...no...no...won't say it) so read on.)

* * *

Ayaki stared at Kanna, still holding on to the ever present mirror, stared at her HARD. Kanna stared back, devoid of expression, and Ayaki asked Kagura (currently jumping up and down on the sofa), "Hey…is she always this…um…what's the word I'm thinkin' of…oh yeah! Boring?" "Yup! (boing!) Basic-(boing!)-ly! (boing!) Wow! (boing!) This (boing!) thing (boing!) is (boing!) great!" Kagura exclaimed. "Well, I can remedy that." Ayaki thought aloud, pushing the sofa out from under the Wind Witch, "Ayakkuuuuuunnnn!" she called as Kagura careened to the floor with a bang. "OWWIE!" Kagura sobbed. 

_"Awww…"_ some random voices said sympathetically.

"Whozzat?" Ayane called.

"The studio audience!" Ayato shouted back from his bedroom.

"Yeah they've been parked on our front lawn all week!" Ayaki replied calmly.

Ayane strolled into the room, casually walking over Kagura, breaking a few of her ribs in the process.

_"Oo!"_ the Random Studio Audience inhaled sharply

"Wazzup, parental unit?" she asked, standing on Kagura as she whimpered in pain. "Ya see Deadpan here?" Ayaki asked, pointing to Kanna. "Mm-mm. Whaddabout her?" "Un-deadpan her. Make her a personality. You know what to do." Ayaki said as Ayane picked Kanna up by the back of her kimono and carried her into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

"Now I've had enough of your antics!" Naraku roared, grabbing the giggling man by the throat and lifting him into the air, "You are to return to the Feudal Era immediate-_**HEY!**_ **ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!**" Jakotsu giggled hysterically from his lofty spot, watching the gnomes in women's lingerie dancing around the mighty hanyou's head and shoulders. 

_"Hahahahahahaha!"_ The Random Studio Audience laughed.

"Who the devil are you?" Naraku snapped.

Jakotsu just snickered some more.

Then, the Christina Aguilera monster popped her ugly head out of the monkey butt's chest, "Rrahrr!" she growled, baring her fangs. "_WAA!_" he squealed, trying to break free.

In his struggle, his hairpin flew free and into Naraku's robes, not unnoticed by our tripping transvestite. "_**SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNY!**_" he shouted, his arm disappearing down the front of Naraku's robes. "Wuh-_**whaddreyoudoing! STOPIT! KNOCKITOFFYOUPERV!**_" Naraku shrieked as Jakotsu's hands roamed wildly for the pin. "_**MY SHINY!**_" Jakotsu cried, doubling his efforts, ignoring Naraku as he started beating him on the shoulders, neck and head.

_"HAHAHAHAHA! HEHEHEHEHAHAHA!"_ The Random Studio Audience hooted.

"**_IT'S _NOT_ FUNNY! STOP THE LAUGHING! WHY DO IT?_**" Naraku shrieked.

Ayato entered the room and saw what was happening and even though he knew Jakotsu was high and didn't know any better, a twinge of jealously shot through his veins. He exited the room and returned, a piece of tinfoil in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Jakotsu had just reclaimed, "His Shiny" when he was distracted by a flash of light. He followed it to…"_Oooo_…shinier…" he gaped, dropping the pin down his kimono front and creeping forward as Ayato backed slowly out of the room, flashing the light every so often on the aluminum foil. Naraku sat up, tears in his eyes, and howl, "_**I FEEL SO VIOLATED!**_"

_"Awww..."_ the Random Studio Audience cooed sympathetically.

"Shut it." Aykai said as she took out the garbage.

* * *

An hour later the door reopened and Kanna skipped (not a typo. SKIPPED!) out, a big smile plastered on her face, her hair in pigtails and a lollipop in her mouth. Ayane followed after, looking rather disgruntled. "Hey ma?" "Yeah?" "Gimme 55,000yen." Ayane said calmly, hand extended. "What? What for?" Ayaki demanded to know. "Because," Ayane glared at Kanna, "THAT lil' runt just drained me outta 68lbs. of sugar. That was over ¼ of my candy stockpile." 

_"Hahahahaha!"_ The Random Studio Audience giggled.

"Aren't they gone yet?" Ayane groaned.

"Nope." Ayaki sighed.

Grumbling loudly, Ayaki forked over the money, which Ayane promptly shoved into her boot. Taking Kanna by the leash that had found its way around her neck, she brought her into a room that had two lifesize dummies of Barney and Tinky-Winkie. "Alright Kanna." Ayane began, "Remember what we went over." She released the leash and Kanna went ape on the dummies until all that was left of them was some fluff and shreds of fabric on the floor as well as some tufts in her mouth. Reattaching the leash, Ayane patted Kanna on the head, "Good girl!" she said, "Here! Have a treat!" she tossed the shade a Rolo.

_"WAHAHAHAHAHA!"_ The Random Studio Audience cackled.

"Hey! Ya don't shuddap, I'll feed ya ta Captain Happy." Ayane snarled.

"Now, then…wanna test your new found knowledge out on Kiki-ho?" she asked and an evil look crossed Kanna's face as she snickered and nodded.

Kikyo had only dried out to the level of Play-doh and so therefore, was quite pliable. Kanna scampered into the bathroom, giggling hysterically, "Hellooooo Kikyo!" she chirped, eying the clayball priestess with ideas flying through her mind. "Wuh-why are you looking at me like that?" Kikyo stammered as Kanna drove her arms up to her elbows in Kikyo's doughy form, laughing uncontrollably as the priestess screamed. "AAAAAAAAUGH! STOP IT! KANNA! NO! BAD GIRL! BAD!" Kikyo shrieked as the girl molded her into the shape of a boat, crushed her down, then shaped her into a pig.

* * *

Bankotsu waltzed into the room, where Naraku had just finished drying his tears. "Maybe I'll have better luck with-" he never got to finish the thought because Bankotsu ran up and stole his baboon fur. 

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gay! I feel pretty and…lah-dee-lah-dee-lah-dee-day! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA--LALA!" Bankotsu sang, horrifically, eardrum-shatteringly, window pane splinteringly off key, spinning on his tip-toes. He rubbed the pelt against his face, "**AHHHHHH!** Oh **GOD!** This fur is **_SOOOOOOOOO_** **SOFT!** _**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!**_" "_**GIVE THAT BACK!**_" Naraku screamed. "**NEVER!**" he shouted, running out side, Naraku on his heels.

Ayane snickered when Naraku ran past, chasing Bankotsu, who was cackling manically, dressed in the hanyou's fur.

_"HAHAHAHAHA!"_ The Random Studio Audience laughed.

"Bite me." Ayane growled, flipping them the bird.

* * *

Suikotsu had been drinking since noon, so he was as drunk as a skunk. He stumbled into the bathroom, hearing childish giggles and womanly screams. 

"SUIKOTSU! HELP ME!" Kikyo shouted, currently being molded into a bunny by Kanna, who waved at Suikotsu and chirruped, "Hiya mister man!" Suikotsu staggered next to Kanna and looked down at the formless mass that was once the priestess. "Suikotsu…please?" she begged as he started poking her with his claws. "Ya wanna try?" Kanna asked bouncily, "It's funnnnn!" nodding drunkenly, the two began work on a Kiki-ho castle while she screamed, "I'VE BEEN BETRAYED AGAIN! YOU BITCH! I HATE YOU! WAAAAAAAAH!"

_"Awwww…"_ the Random Studio Audience said sympathetically.

"Why won't you die?" Ayane hissed.

* * *

Ginkotsu was enjoying some private time with his animal friends. It was peaceful. Quiet. 

Not for long.

"**_GET _BACK_ HERE!_**" Naraku's scream shattered the calm and a weight came crashing down on his back. His cannons started going off and crazed laughter rose and fell behind him. "G-gesh?" he whimpered, more than a little scared. He recognized that laugh. It was Bankotsu.

"**_DIE, OH ATTEMPTED STEALER OF MY FLUFF!_**" he cackled, firing at the former owner of the baboon pelt. "It's **MINE** _**YOU IDIOT! GIMME!**_" Naraku cried as Bankotsu made a direct hit sending him into the sky. But Bankotsu wasn't finished there. Oh no! He noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye, "**YOU!**" "Huh? What is it deary?" a random old woman asked. "**_YOU SHAN'T TOUCH _MY_ FLUFF OF POWER, WRINKLED FIEND!_**" he aimed and fired. "_**YAAA**AAAAIiiiii…_" she became a tiny peck and disappeared over an office building. Another movement. It was a school bus, filled with chipper scholars, fresh from a hard day of school. "**_EVIL BEAST! AWAY FROM MY FLUFF!_**" he shot off another round. It was dead on and the children sat in the crater, blinking in disbelief. Another twitch…from below! He took aim…AND FIRED AT HIS FEET!

"Wow! Hi birdies!…my fluffy!"

_"Hehehehe!"_ The Random Studio Audience snickered.

"…why are you still here?" Ayato asked, walking past with some fresh hickies on his neck and Jakotsu in his arms.

* * *

Kanna had become bored and had wandered off, tossing her mirror in the air, then got an idea. She ran over to Kagura and started beating her over the head with a frying pan, "PLAY WITH ME! _PLAY WITH ME!_ **_PLAY WITH_ MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**" Kaguya grabbed her wrist and tossed the pan aside, dizzily, hitting a Random Studio Audience Member 

_"OWUCH!"_ The Random Studio Audience Member cried.

_"You okay?"_ Another Random Studio Audience Member asked.

_"Y-yeah. I think so."_ The First Random Studio Audience Member whimpered.

"Damn…" Ayane growled, snapping her fingers in disappointment, walking out of the room grumbling under her breath.

"Now what's the magic word?" she said chidingly. "Ummm…asparagus?" Kanna asked innocently. "Try again." Kagura said. "Okay, fine. P-p-puh-puhleeze?" Kanna forced out. "Alright. Whaddya wanna play?" Kagura asked. "**_FRISBEE!_**" Kanna squealed hurling her mirror across the room. It smashed into a wall, shattering into pieces. Kanna stared at the pieces of the broken mirror and began to wail, "**_WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUGH!_**" It was a high pitched banshee shriek and she began hopping up and down, "_**NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! MAKE IT BETTER! NOWNOWNOW!**_" she screamed, running around in circles. She ran up Kagura and started pulling her hair out of it's bun, "_**FIXITFIXITFIXITFIXIT!**_" In a great deal of pain, Kagura ran into a wall, knocking both of them unconscious.

_"Oooo…"_ the Random Studio Audience inhaled sharply, wincing in pain.

"Go away." Ayane growled.

* * *

"Hmm…Renrin's been awful quiet." Ayaki mused, "I wonder what he's up to." She checked around and finally found him curled up in the T.V., sucking his thumb. The show in question was My Little Pony and he was following along intently. "NO! Don't go in there, Firefly! Applejack told you not too! It's the Forest of the Forbidden!" He began to cry as Firefly was kidnapped and got hurt. He cheered as she was rescued by her friends, learned a lesson, then he sang the My Little Pony theme song, _"My Little Pony! My Little Pony! Isn't the world a lovely place? My Little Pony! My Little Pony! Everywhere you go, a smiling face! Running and skipping, merrily tripping! Watching the morning unfold! My Little Pony! My Little Pony! What does the future hold?"_ Ayaki backed away, feeling more than a little afraid. 

_"Brrrrr…"_ The Random Studio Audience shivered.

"WOULD YOU PUT A LID ON IT!" Ayane shrieked, stamping her foot.

* * *

Suikotsu had gotten bored with playing with Kikyo (and her howling was making his head ring) he stumbled into the kitchen, where Ayane was eating Cheetos, and gazed into the pantry. He looked around furtively, then snatched up something and grabbed Ayane by the wirst, sending her Cheetos flying. "**_GOGOGO!_**" he screamed. "Wha"? she asked, through a mouthful of unchewed food. "**_GOGO! I'VE GOT PRETZELS! GOGOGOGOGO!_**" he yelled, waving the bag. "Dude…you're a doctor…hgk…" she attempted to hold back a snicker. 

_"Oooo…."_ The Random Studio Audience gasped.

"What the deuce?" Ayane gaped, "Oh, that's it." She ran and grabbed her naginata, "_**GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE BEFORE I RUN YA THRU!**_"

The Random Studio Audience screamed and scattered to the forewinds.

* * *

(A/N: Woot! Sorry it took so long! Remember, you have a torture method you want implemented on Claypot, Feather Brain, Fish Eyes, Monkey butt or the Shichinin-dopes, do not hesitate to send it in! I will be sure to work it in! And for those of you who wanted Ja and Ya together, you wish it, I dish it! R&R PEEPS! REMEMBER TO FEED YOUR AUTHORESS! I'M OUTTIE YO!) 


	17. By Request: Jakotsu and Ayato Side Fic

(A/N: HEYAS! Touya-no-Kogakure here! I've gotten a couple pleas for a JaxYa side fic, and I your authoress have heard your calls! And here is my answer; but be forewarned, this was written by my mad mind, so it wont be what your expectin'! Not at all sappy but there is definitely some yaoi here! But believe me, you'll like it! So go forth, all ye who enter here, and enjoy!)

* * *

"Hello. And welcome to Deviant Drama! The Talk Show where Jakotsu," (Jakotsu waves), "and me, Ayato Nakamura, answer the big questions. We'll take our first caller. Hello. This is Deviant Drama! You're on the air!" _"Hi! My name is Niatash Vita! And my question is, what's the meaning of life?"_ "Oh that one's easy!" Jakotsu bragged, "It's--" there was a click and a long _–booooooooooooooop-_ "Hello? Niatash? It seems we've been cut off." Ayato said. "Aww that's too bad!" Jakotsu said, looking a little downtrodden, "but Niatash Vita? If you're still listening? The meaning of life is—doughnuts!" "That's right! The delicious pastry treat!" Ayato chimed in. "Sweet, sugary and oh so delicious!" Jakotsu drooled. "Not to mention such variety!" Ayato sighed happily. There was a long pause as they daydreamed about doughnuts before snapping back to reality when the producer threw a sake bottle at Jakotsu which ricocheted off his head and hit Ayato. 

"Oouch!" Jakotsu whined, rubbing the bump on his head, "Alrighty then! Moving on…" Ayato said, ignoring the blood running down his face, "Lets take our next caller. Hello! This is Deviant Drama! You're on the air!" _"Hiyas! My name's Lena Silverwing! My question is, when did you and Jakotsu get together?"_ "I'll fill in that one, lover!" Jakotsu said in a seductive tone, making Ayato go bright red, "It all started in a beautiful day in spring." The screen begins to warp as a dream sequence starts, "_**Wha-Wha-WHAWAAWAAAA!**_" Ayato squealed as the distorting time space passed through his body, "The birds were tittering…butterflies flitting about…and corpses soaked in fresh blood were strewn everywhere…" Jakotsu clasped his hands together like a love-struck school girl and sighed dreamily. "_**That's not how it happened!**_" a voice called. Jakotsu looked around as his dream bubble went _-poof-_ for the location of the voice. "Uh…um…howabout I take a crack at it?" Ayato said, clearing his throat, "It was a clear day in autumn…" yet another dream sequence kicked into action. "Hee hee hee! Hey! These things tickle!" Jakotsu giggled as the warps passed through him. "…the cicadas were chirping…the sweat was beading on a pitcher of iced tea nearby…and the sun was low in the sky…" Jakotsu eyes were starry as he turned chibi and leaned against Ayato, but this sappy moment was short lived as a stage light was hurled at the two, making a direct hit and lowering their HP to 45/100.

"_**LIIIIIAAAAARRRRS!**_" the voice cried again, it owner bounding forward and a bringing with it a familiar silhouette, "**OKAY! THAT'S IT!** If you two don't have the balls to tell the truth, then I'm commandeering this show!" "**_Ayane!_**" Ayato and Jakotsu cried as they were bound up by means of telekinesis. (J-Kwon's **_Tipsy _**starts playing loudly) A mike flew to our usurping announcer's hand as she enthusiastically cried, "**_YO E'ERYBODY UP IN HERR! PROPS TA' MY PEEPS!_ Emcee Ayane Nakamura here! Given ya th' low down on m' baby bro and his man ho'! Can I gedda _YEEEEEEAAAA-YAAAAHHH!_**" she yelled. "_YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAHHH!_" "_**Hey! HEY! WAIDDAMINUTE!**_" Ayato yelled, wiggling a little, "_**You can't possibly know what happen-**_" "Tut, tut, tut! Oh contraire! But I do!" Ayane said grinning evilly and she whirled around to face the audience, "**AND I HAVE THIS EXCLUSIVE, RACY VIDEO FOOTAGE TO PROVE MY STORY TO THE LETTER!**" she squealed, holding up the tape as the audience cheered. "**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**" Ayato and Jakotsu shrieked. "**YEESSSSSS!**" Ayane cackled as she popped it into the VCR of a big screen projector.

* * *

"Let me take you back, if you will, to the night of our sleep over." Ayane began as the tape started, appearing on the screen, "A time of sugar highs…" Renkotsu downing a five pound bag of sugar, insanely running into the street, getting hit by a mini-van and continuing on his way, "A time of experimentation…" Bankotsu snorting meth, eyeing Suikotsu's ass, groping him and having the offending arm broken with a nearby armchair, "and a time of getting **_COMPLETELY HAMMERED!_**" The Shichinintai, Ayato and Ayane sprawled out on the floor, Ayane smirking in victory, even unconscious, "After the final two fell in glorious combat…" "_It wasn't all that glorious_..." Jakotsu piped up before a year old sweat sock, belonging to Richard Simmons, was shoved into his mouth, "...two, already fallen, rose again and surveyed the battle field, strewn with their fallen comrades…" "_Drama queen_…" Ayato muttered as a brick flew through the air and hit him the head.

* * *

Ayato opened his eyes woozily, gazing over his plowed friends and blitzed sister. He wondered why his thighs felt so heavily and lowered his drunken gaze to find Jakotsu, blacked out on his lap. "Jakotshu? 'ey! Jakotshu, wake up." he moaned, shaking him a little. The older man opened his eyes blearily and looked up at him drunkenly, "Geddoffame, Jakotshu. Yer 'eavy." Ayato said, his voice slurred from intoxication and his face filled with an inebriated flush. Jakotshu smiled drunkenly up at him, "Dun' wanna." He smirked, wrapping his arms around Ayato's neck, pushing him back against the floor, breaking a sake bottle in to process and cutting Ayato's cheek. "Oh!" Jakotsu cried, tears welling up in his eyes, "'m sho shorry!" he bent down and licked the cut, making Ayato turn seven shades of red. He pushed Jakotsu off him and stared at him through glazed eyes, "Wha'?" Jakotsu asked, "Wha' ish it?" "I looked ya over in th' bath. You'er hot." Ayato said in a serious tone that only being smashed can bring out. "You'er too. Hee hee!" Jakotsu snickered. Leaning forward a bit, Ayato whispered, "An' yeh know that kish we had 'n Shpin th' Bottle? Ah' liked it." "Me too!" Jakotsu's giggling became more wicked, "Wanna make it a two fer?" "Why na'?" Ayato shrugged, grabbing Jakotsu by the collar and planting a deep kiss on his lips before Jakotsu dragged them both to the floor.

* * *

The tape cut off their and there was a loud, "_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!**_" "Sorry, everyone! But I hafta censor this part lest innocent minds be scarred! But I will tellya this," Ayane leaned forward, whispering, "It makes the Pamela AndersonxTommy Lee Sex Tape look-like-a-**_CHURCH!_** **_ANNNND_** after watching this tape in full...I went through and personally cleaned every room and falical object in the house!" (huge smile, big wink) "_**AYANE!**_" Ayato howled (regained consciousness). "_**HOW COULD YOU?**_" Jakotsu roared (spat out sock) "Hee hee! Well this has been Deviant Drama! I'm your Show-Jacking Emcee Ayane! Signin' out! Don't bother tunin' in next week cuz' I'll be on the run from these two! Bye!"

* * *

(A/N: Hee hee hee heeee-hee! This was a one time thing! Tune in next week for Chapter 18! R&R MAH PEEPS! 'M OUTTIE YO!) 


	18. 3WAY pt9: Munchkins and Random Demons

(A/N: Hee hee! Wizard of Oz references! The one movie on the face of the Earth (w/the obvious exception of Barney and the Teletubbies) that frightens me. And that is because of the simple fact that I...your authoress...can't stand that bitch Dorothy! And WTF is up with the flying monkies! ((may use flying monkies l8r)) and now that I'm finished venting, enjoy!)

(P.S.: I would like to thank Sesshoumarufangirl and Niatash Vita for sending in their requests! Just to let you all know, I _DO_ read these things and accept _**all ideas**_ ((I am just that psychotic! **_WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**)) So don't hesitate to send them in!)

* * *

Kikyo finally became solid again, thoroughly pissed at Suikotsu for betraying her and hell bent on making him pay. She was already on her way to find him, revenge on her mind, and had only taken two steps out the door when… 

**_Fyooooooo_…**

"What the…?" Kikyo looked skyward and saw a small dot that was rapidly growing bigger and felt compelled to watch.

_**…oooooooo—KROOOOOOOOOOOMM!**_

A two story house landed on top of our clay pot priestess and from seemingly nowhere, Munchkins danced out singing, "Ding-dong! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The evil witch! Ding-dong! The evil witch is--" "Mm nah deh!" Kikyo groaned out in a muffled voice from beneath the house. "What?" asked a member of the Lullaby League squeakily. (had to ask my MOTHER for the names! I REFUSE to subject myself to that movie again!-shudders from the memory-) "Mm not dead!" Kiki-ho moaned, her voice stifled. "**_AWWWWWWW!_**" the Munchkins groaned in annoyance. "Hey, wait a sec!" one cried, after grabbing Kinky-ho's terracotta wrist, "She doesn't gotta _**pulse!**_" "**_LIAR!_**" the Munchkins screamed accusingly. "I'm not quite dead." Kiki-blow whimpered. "Not _quite_ dead?" a member of the Lollipop Guild queried as the undead priestess's head popped out from under the house, looking rather flat, "How can you be, _'not quite dead'_?" "Yeah!" another Munchkin piped up squeakily. "Your either dead or your not!" "**I'M UNDEAD YOU CHIPMUNK WANNABES!**" Kiki-slow yelled from her spot beneath the house. "Undead?" one asked. "Undead! A construct of bone and graveside soil." Kiki-glowworm explained tiredly. "_**OOHHHHHH**_…" the Munchkins chorused together. There was a long silence, "**Soooo…you're a claypot then!**" "**NOOOOOOO!**" Kikyo roared, refusing to accept the truth. "**Denial.**" The Munchkins said together.

The door to the house opened and the authoress stepped out, crunching Kikyo's skull. "**_Alright! Clear out! th' lot a' ya! Move it!_** **_MOVE IT!_**" she roared, swinging a broom, sending the Munchkins running for the hills. The using her authoress powers, she made a vortex appear and pushed her house off the pancake flat priestess grumbling, "Stupid sister…messing around with **_my_** pencils…dinkin' around on _**my**_ computer...watching that **_godforsaken_** movie…" she and the house disappeared, leaving Kinky-ho looking like a very misshapen flapjack.

* * *

Kohaku had been wondering for sometime now where everyone had disappeared to. No sign of the Shichinintai, Kanna, Kagura or Naraku anywhere. It had taken all of his demon slayer's skills to track them to this well and he was about to leap inside it. 

"…shard…give me the jewel shard!" a harsh voice said from behind him. Kohaku didn't have time to react as the demon forced him in down the well. "Give it to me! The jewel shard!" the demon snarled, trying to get a hold on Kohaku as the vortex shot past them.

"Huhn?" Ayato gasped, looking up from a heated make out session with Jakotsu.

"What's…" Ayaki began, gazing up from beating psychiatrist/dog over the head with a kumquat.

"…this feeling?" Ayane finished, ignoring the look she was getting from Bankotsu, the Ballet Dancing Hamster, since she was lounging topless in a beanbag chair eating Doritos. (It's a hot day and she's used to living alone! What can I say?)

Ayane was the one to actually react to the feeling, getting out of the beanbag chair (not bothering with a shirt I might add) and walking out to the well house in nothing but her Daisy Dukes. She gazed down watching the battle between the twelve year old resurrected demon slayer and the demon.

Ayane was irked. It was a blisteringly hot day. She was missing her favorite show (that only came on once a week), and she was forced to leave the airstream of her beloved fan. She broke a useless beam off the wall and threw it down the well, striking the demon on the head, knocking it out cold. "_**Jerkoff!**_ It's _**too hot**_ fer shit like this!" She snarled, walking out of the well house. Kohaku, thoroughly confused about what just transpired followed after her.

"Excuse me ma'am?" he asked. "Ayane." she said quickly, "Nakamura Ayane. But please, no formalities. They really suck." "R-right. Um…Ayane? Please, could you tell me where I am exactly?" Kohaku asked, looking up at her. "Well…it's not where….it's when." Ayane said simply, "You traveled through time squirt, just like the rest of our roomies." "Time travel? Roomies? Wha'?" Kohaku stuttered as she opened the door to Bankotsu in tap shoes and dressed like a Milk carton singing loudly, "**_Milk, milk! Good for your health! Unless your lactose-intolerant, then I make you ralf! Ralf, ralf! Yes, blow chunks and hurl…_**" Renkotsu was in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, hugging a My Little Pony plushie to his chest and sucking his thumb, "…lil' purple people…chasin' after me…gonna get me…gonna get me…" Kanna ran through the room, chasing a fat man in a dog costume screaming at the top of her lungs, "_**GIMME MY SUGARY GOODNESS YOU STUPID MUTT! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!**_" From seemingly no where, a lamb appeared, looked up at him with large black eyes (that gave him the **_CREEPS_**) and bleated, "_**!AAAB**_" Suikotsu stumbled into the room in a very short blue dress (Ayaki's), his hair dyed phosphorescent yellow, stupid drunk, giggling, "Ain't I…_hic_…purdy?", Ginkotsu, peeled into the room, did doughnuts around everybody, completely oblivious to their presence (he's high on LSD), and tore out the room, crashing through a wall in the process, "**_GESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESHGESH!_**" From a room down the hall moaning could be heard. One voice Kohaku could identify: Jakotsu, the other, was unknown to him, "_**Ahhah!**_ N-no. Nuh-not there!" "Don't be such a tease, Yakkun." Kohaku shuddered as his innocent ears burned and his face flushed.

Kagura walked through the room, rockin' the ganj', "Heh heh! Man! Where's mah main man, Sesshy? I had'm here justa second ago." Sesshomaru stumbles into the room, slumps onto Kagura, doped up on coke, "Duuuude…you godda come see this! There's this box…that has lil' itty bitty people inside!" he giggled, snuggling against her. "Really? Duuuuuude! **_Lets go!_**" Kagura laughed hysterically, marching off, dragging the all too willing Sesshomaru along for the ride.

(Random reader: "Waidamminut! **_HOLD THE PHONE!_** I've been readin' this fic the entire time! When did Sesshy pop up!")

(Authoress: "Did you miss the part in the Summary where it said, **'RANDOMNESS FROM MARS'**?")

(Randome Reader: "…Ohhhhhhhhh…")

From behind him,Kohaku heard two screams, both sounding like they belonged to women, but when he turned to look, it was the dead priestess Kikyo and his lord and master Naraku, shrieking in terror as they fled (in chibi form) from the demon he had faced in the well, who somehow had become supercharged and was impervious to Kikyo's miko powers (Authoress: whistling innocently: **_phweeee-eeee-ooo-ooo-ooooo!_**).

"**WAAWAAWAAWAAWAAWAAWAAAAAAAAA!**" Naraku screamed, flapping his arms wildly. "**HELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!**" Kinky-ho squealed. "Ahright! Ahright! Sheesh! Put a lid on it!" Ayane (still topless), sighed, grabbing a packet of Pop Rocks. "**_YO! BUDDY!_**" Ayane called, waving the packet, "_**OVER HEEEERRE!**_" she tossed the packet down the well and the demon followed, killing Naraku and Kiki-blow in the process (almost! Sorry but I want their deaths to be a slow and torturous thing! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!). "**_Oopsie doodle!_**" Ayane grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of her head. The bloodied bodies of Monkey Butt and Kinky-ho began attracting flies as Ayane invited Kohaku in for cupcakes and soda.

"Wuh-wait! What…about…us?" Naraku croaked.

"Wuh-we're…still…alive." Kikyo moaned as she shut the door on them.

"**_YOU BITCH!_**" they screamed from their spot on the ground.

* * *

(A/N: Heh! Hope you're enjoyin' this. I know I am! For all those out there who want these people to suffer, stay silent no longer! I do read these things **_AND YOUR REQUESTS WILL BE HEARD AND USED! I'LL MAKE SURE OF IT!_** Next chappie, Captain Happy's pals drop in for a visit, but remember, these **_DEFINITELY_** aint the barnyard gang you sang about from from Ole' MacDonald's Farm! R&R MY PEEPS!) 


	19. 3WAY pt10: Nukes and Hofo Bashing!

(A/N: Yo! Touya-no-Kogakure here! Sorry this chappie took so long, but school's a bitch! ((sighs)) Anyhoo, here's your daily requirement of madness! Enjoy!)

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"_**Yo!**_ Has anyone seen my nuke?" Ayane called, her nearly-non-existent-breasts—

(Aya: **_HEY!_** They aren't **_THAT_** small!)

(Authoress: Yeah…sure…((kof!B-cup!kof!)) )

(Aya: ((blushing in fury)) **_LIKE YOURS ARE ANY BIGGER!_**)

(Authoress: ((whispers her bra size to Aya)) )

(Aya: …**_THAT'S THE SAME SIZE AS MMMMPH!_** ((hand is clamped over her mouth)) )

(Authoress: Lets continue…shall we?((drags a thrashing Aya away)) )

—still bared to the world (hasn't this girl heard of SHAME!) as she walked down the hall. Kohaku walked some distance behind her, staring at the floor, face bright red, muttering incoherently as he ran into things.

"Ma?" "Yeah?" Ayaki replied, looking up from a bong she was passing around a circle that consisted of Renkotsu (hey he needs ta loosen up about now, doncha think?), Jakotsu, Ayato, Kagura, Sesshomaru and Ginkotsu (sitting on Kikyo and Naraku (o-o), is slowly crushing them to death…hee hee hee!). "Have ya seen my nuke?" "Which one?" Ayato asked, as the bong was passed to Renkotsu. "Ya know." Ayane said, sticking her lower lip out poutilly, "The Green H-bomb with the big Happy Bunny slogan that reads: I Hate You So Bad!" "Oh! That one!" Jakotsu said, grabbing the bong from the cueball, "A _**reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllly **_cute guy came an' borrowed it."

Ayane snapped her head in the direction of her brother's transvestite boyfriend (currently taking a BIG hit off the bong), rushed him and started throttling him. "**WHAT** (shake) **DID** (shake) **YOU** (shake) **JUST** (shake) _**SAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**_ (shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake)?" "_**CALM DOWN AYAKKUN!**_" Ayato cried, not high yet (key word is "yet"), "Ya know that skag, what's his name? Ho-blow? Ho-low? Ho-fo? Ho-mo? **_Oh, whatever!_** You know who I mean! Anyways, that jerkoff came over and _'borrowed'_ your nuke."

"…so…heavy…" Kinky-ho gasped from under Ginkotsu's crushing weight, turning blue. "…can't…" Naraku wheezed, "…breathe…" (both die)

(Authoress: **YAYSIES!**)

(Random Reader: Yer not fakin' us out…are ya'?)

(Authoress: ...((whistles innocently)) )

(Random Reader: ((groans)) **_I knew it!_**)

Ayane let out a loud feral growl that turned into roar. Foaming at the mouth, she snatched up Kohaku by the back of the collar and stormed down hall. "Well now, this should be entertainin'." Ayaki said with a snort, turning on the T.V. and flipping it to the news as the bong was passed around again.

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"**_DAMNTHATHO-MO! HE-WILL-DIE-NNNNOOOOOOOOWWWWW!_**" Ayane screamed, a rocket launcher, bazooka, M-K47 strapped to her back extra ammunition strapped to her torso (no, she's STILL topless), a flamethrower in the crook of her arm and Kohaku slung over her shoulder (swirly anime eyes). She was running at top anime speeds with Captain Happy and his friends, General Giddy and Second Lieutenant Hyper backing up the rear. "**COME! MY MENTALLY MESSED UP BARNYARD MINIONS!"** Ayane shrieked, "**WE SHALL STRIKE DOWN THE HO-FO WHO DARED TO TOUCH MY BIG BOY!**" "_**BUK-BAK!**_" crowed Second Lieutenant Hyper, a cow with an Identity Crisis. "**_MEEP-MEEP!_**" quacked General Giddy, the Road-Runner wannabe duck.

Ho-loser sat in his room, in front of his Kagome shrine, which contained strands of her hair (enough to build a loveseat), several photographs, a voodoo doll carved out of soap and scraps of cloth (more than likely came from Kagome's clothing). He was sobbing like a little girl and was sitting next to the Happy Bunny H-bomb. "Why? **_Why? WHY DOESN'T SHE LIKE ME!_**" he howled, slamming his head against the bomb.

**_-KA-KROOOOOOMMMMM!-_**

"Be-**CAUSE**, Ho-low, **_YER A WHINY LIL' BITCH!_**" Ayane snarled blasting through the wall, "Now **GIMME BACK MY NUKE!**" "_**!aaB**_" Captain Happy bleated in agreement. "_**NOOO!**_" Ho-fo whined, clutching the Big Boy tight, "It's mine!" "Ugh…I feel si-ick…" Kohaku whimpered, his eyes very swirly and his face very green. "Then **_DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!_**" she screamed, launching several missiles and jostling Kohaku violently. "Now I **_KNOW_** I'm gonna be sick!" he cried as a huge explosion took place.

"_**Woot!**_" Ayane cheered, "I got my nuke back! And as a bonus, that skag, Ho-blow is dead! _**Yippeeeeee!**_" Kohaku barfed. "_**Buk-bak!**_" crowed Second Lieutenant Hyper. "Feel better, Hakutan?" Ayane asked. "Oo-ooulgh…I think so…" he groaned. "Hee hee! Then hold on tight, lil' man! Cuz yer in fer one bumpy ride!" she cackled, picking up the nuke and preparing to run. "Oh God…**NOT AGAIN!**" Kohaku shrieked as she took off top speed.

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"Woo…lookat the lil' pink chipmunksh…aint dey kyoot…" Ayaki slurred, a cup of turpentine in her left hand, and a coke rock in the other. "_**I've got a luv-a-lee buncha coconuts! Dee-a-lee-dee-dee! There the are-a-standin' in a row!**_" Renkotsu sang, rocking back and forth. Jakotsu and Ayato were too busy making out, loosened up by the Mary J, oblivious to the fact that there were people around them…or that Bankotsu was dancing around in a pumpkin costume taking pictures singing, "_**Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now (C'mon baby, try electrocution) Gather round and try it, put your fate in your hands now (C'mon baby, try electrocution) It won't cost you money but it might cost your life you find a power socket and you jam in a knife so come on, come on try electrocution with me.**_" Ginkotsu was poking Naraku and Kiki-slow's limp bodies with one of his cannons, his eyes becoming happy horseshoes everytime they twitched. Kagura and Sesshomaru were arguing about his fluff. "It's stupid, you stupey head!" Kagura said, throwing a stuffed rhino at him. "It is not!" he whined, hucking a pillow at her. "Is too!" Is not!" "Is too!" "Is no-damn yer kyoot." he said, his eyes glazed. "You too…wanna go make out in that closet?" Kagura asked. "Sure." He said, taking her hand. Kanna ran through the room, shrieking her head off, "**WHERE'S THAT DUM-DUM SUIKOTSU! HE S'POSTA PLAY WITH ME!**" Suikotsu pokes his head out from inside of one of Ginkotsu's cannons, which decides to go off at that moment, shooting him in front of Kanna. "_**A-HAAA! COME BACK HERE!**_" she screamed. "**NEVERRRRR!**" he shouted back drunkenly, taking off running, knocking into several breakable objects along the way.

"Ahhhh…good to be home…eh, Hakutan?" Ayane grinned, glancing at the ill boy over her shoulder. "Gluhh-ugh…" he choked out before hurling again. "**_MEEP-MEEP!_**" quacked General Giddy as they waltzed up to the house.

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(A/N: Hee hee! Keep dem ideas comin! R&R mah peeps! 'm outtie yo!)


	20. 3WAY: THE END:or IS IT!

(A/N: Yo! Touya-no-Kogakure here. This is the last chappie of COLORFUL! (snfl...hgk...) I'm gonna miss you all (oh no! promised myself I wouldn't cry!) Buh-but don't worry! I will make a sequel if people request it! So read on!)

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"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!" The Shichinintai chanted, Kagura, Sesshy and Kanna joining in.

Ayane slammed her head repeatedly against a wall and finding that it wasn't knocking her out, she went to look for the detonation switch for her Nuke.

Kohaku sobbed and rocked back and forth in the fetal position.

"This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on, my friends!" They chorused, Kinky-ho and Monkey Butt joining in.

Ayaki smashed, what she thought to be empty liquor bottles, over her head, and when it turned out that one was full, she dove at Kinky-ho, Vodka bottle in hand, screeching, "**THAT WAS GOOD EVERCLEAR YOU MADE ME WASTE, BITCH!**" She proceeded to beat Kiki-blow over the head with it and strangle her with the other hand until she finally gave up the ghost (WOOOT! SHE'S DEH-ED! DEH-ED! DEADY-WEADY, DEH-ED!)

"Some people, started singin' it not knowin' what it was! And they'll continue singin' it forever, just because!" the horrible song continued.

Ayato, not wanting to take out his aggression on his boyfriend, settled on Baboon Butt instead, dragging him away from the singing circle, an big metal bat in his hand. He then proceeded to bludgeon-

((Authoress: Ahhhh…bludgeon is a fun word! It almost rhymes with pigeon! But disease carrying, rat's with wings aren't nearly as nice as-))

((Random Reader: _**GET ON WITH IT!**_))

((Authoress: Oh! Sorry!))

-him over the head with it until the hanyou was dead, drowning in a pool of his own blood (**_Ha Ha HA HA HA! DIE oh fur wearing FOOL! HA HA HA!_**)

Kohaku's still in the fetal position, sucking his thumb, bawling for his sister.

"This is the song that never ends!" the Shichinintai continued rocking back and forth in time with the song.

"A-**HA!**" Ayane shrieked triumphantly, finally locating the detonation switch and hefting the Nuke over her head, ran back to the living room, a crazed look in her eyes.

"It just goes on and on my friends! Some people, started singin' it not knowin' what it was!" they continued as Ayane ran in, slamming the Nuke down next to them.

Ayaki and Ayato –**_MEEP!_**-ed at the sight of the Big Boy and detonator in Ayane's hand and fled the room as Ayane laughed insanely, pressing the button.

* * *

**BA-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!**

Ayane blew Kohaku, Kagura, Kanna and the Shichinintai back to the Feudal Era with the blast that mushroom clouded into the sky.

Ayane cackled wildly, her head on fire and her face and body charbroiled. "_**NYA-HA-HAA-HA-HA! THAT'LL TEACH YA TA SING NEVER ENDING SONGS IN MY PRESENCE! HA-HA-HA-HAA-HA-HA-HAA!**_"

Ayato and Ayaki were behind her (as were the corpses of Captain Happy, Second Lieutenant Hyper and General Giddy). Ayato coughed up a puff of smoke and Ayaki dusted herself off and put the fire out on her daughter's head.

"Well that was fun!" she said. "Agreed." Ayato said.

Ayane sniffed the tender, mouth watering, succulent, golden brown bodies of her former imaginary friends, "Who's hungry?" she asked. "**WE ARE!**" and so went the carcasses of the brave fallen warriors, eaten in the middle of the debris of the former house.

In the Feudal Era, The Shichinintai and all the rest try to get their lives (and their sanity) back together…**FOR NOW!**

_DUN…DUN…**DUNNNNNNNNNNN!**_

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(A/N: Thank you everyone for all your support! Remember,I will be making a sequel if enough requests come in! It's been a great trip! Love you all! R&R MY PEEPS!Peace out!)


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